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One of the hardest things about running a rescue is when you are faced with the decision to have to end a life to end suffering. When you can’t see into the future, you don’t have a crystal ball, and you don’t know the outcome. Do you prolong the life of an animal that truly doesn’t want to be alive, to take a chance that you may be able to convince him that he does? A Rottweiler who is haunted by every noise, by any movement, by the people who must appear to him to look like horrific monsters that want to eat him for dinner? A Rottweiler, if left alone, would shove his nose into the corner of a dog house, and not move in hopes that nobody will see him. That will only come out of that doghouse once in a 24 hour period to relieve himself, and go right back in and hide some more? When I first evaluated his condition, I said to myself, this Rottweiler has zero quality of life. He is terrified to be alive and it is evident that he truly does not want to be alive. I scheduled an appointment to take him to my vet today to have him euthanized. Last night, at 3:30am, I was awoken to the sound of a dog howling at the moon. I quickly sat up and did a head count of all the rotties that were supposed to be sleeping in their dog beds. Everybody was accounted for, so I walked out onto my patio and listened for a minute. My heart start beating, as I thought he must have hurt himself somehow, so I walked towards the 20x20 kennel in my yard where he has been living for the past couple of days. As soon as he caught sight of me, he stopped and ran as fast as he could back into his dog house. I opened up the kennel door and stuck my head into his house to check to make sure he was okay, and there he laid with his nose in the corner and he completely ignored me, as he always does. I covered him up with a blanket and went back to bed.
In the morning, I took him his breakfast. He waits until I leave and then he finishes every piece of kibble. I refill his water bowl, and wait until Dave comes over to help me. Dave teaches me how to get him to stop fighting the leash, reminds me that I do not have to pet him or touch him, because I am doing more harm than good, and I watch as Dave forces him out of his house and makes him deal with life for about two hours. We see small baby steps in the right direction. We smile at each other when Hilo chooses to walk with Dave for a short period of time, instead of resist the leash. We both giggle when Hilo chooses to investigate a squeaky toy, or lick the air very close to Dave’s fingers, if even just for a second or two. And we ask each other what we think we could do for Hilo and how long will it take us to get there. Dave rehabilitated a Rottweiler named Ozzy, who was almost as frightened, in 6 weeks and now he has his own family that adores him and he is happy. It could happen that way for Hilo, but then again maybe it will never happen for him.
And then I look into Hilo’s eyes and notice that his right eye has entropion. I can see his bottom lashes lying on his eyeball. This condition has started a cataract on that eye, which if it goes untreated, will blind that eye in no time at all. I also think that he really needs a full blood panel drawn, because Dr. Carr has taught me recently that a blood panel can reveal or give explanation to why a dog may have bizarre behaviors.
So tonight as I type this, I ask myself what is the best thing that I can do for Hilo? End the nightmares that he sees 24 hours a day? Or give him a shot at a real life, even if I may fail to deliver it, and he continues to suffer in the meantime? It’s a tough decision. It is one of the hardest decisions that I have to make as the director of Rotten Rottie Rescue. I don’t think I can live with myself, not ever knowing if I made the right decision. So I want to try, at least for a little while to see if there is any improvement. I want to see if he can learn to trust us. I want to see if he can understand love.
Dave Caramico, with Empowered K9 Training, is an amazing trainer and friend. If this young boy has any shot at living a normal life, I know that Dave can get him there. But this type of rehabilitation is very time consuming. Dave already has one of our Rotten Rotties living with him at his house while he works on that dog’s issues. He has taken on the other dog out of the kindness in his heart, and donates many hours into evaluating, and correcting bad behaviors of almost every dog we bring into rescue. He works with my foster families to help our dogs become good family dogs, and he works with many of our adopters at discounted rates so that the dogs we place in homes, stay in those homes and do not return to rescue.
Dave financially can not afford to spend three more hours a day working with Hilo for free. He has bills and a mortgage and his own Rottweiler to feed, just like the rest of us.
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