My name is Ryan Edwards. My father, Barry James Edwards, lived on Canvey Island, although he was originally from East London. He died at the age of 69, in absolute squalor. My mum divorced him in 2013, after 40 years of marriage because she couldn't cope with the hoarding any longer.
My early memories of my dad were somewhat conflicted – on the one hand he was the envy of my other friends. Always there when I wanted or needed him. Like a best friend to play with in the garden, take me on trips or to play computer games with. On the other hand a fierce disciplinarian. I recall his frustration when I couldn’t learn to tell the time as quickly as he expected me to, or the time I banged two mustard pots together and as a lesson he made me eat the mustard. My aversion to mustard lasted about 30 years afterwards. But I do recall being very close to him.
Then, things began to change. The surprise death of his mother, at Christmas 1985, in hindsight, hit him very hard. She had been a very controlling influence in his life and I think there were some unresolved issues that, sadly, remained that way. My dad was very old school when it came to showing emotion and I think burying feelings away can be very unhealthy. Very, very, gradually, he started to slip away from my mum and I emotionally. He began to shun his friends and lose interest in doing anything beyond the perimeter of the house. For large amounts of time he was not in the present – ‘thinking’ about what we know not.
He began to drink more and became increasingly reluctant to throw anything away. He became more controlling of us both, for mum he would give her a daily allowance and for me as I entered my teenage years he wanted to regulate the amount of snacks I was given and when I was allowed to eat them. Laugher made way to my mum and I walking on eggshells. A word said with the wrong inflection could smoulder and erupt into a furious row some hours later.
Flashes of the old dad would occasionally show through though, and while I was still allowed friends over, in the early 1990’s to play the Atari Jaguar with my dad and my friends some great times were still had – much merriment was caused by the fact that one of the characters in Kasumi Ninja carried an uncanny similarity to my dad or should I say ‘POP’ which was the name he entered against his often record breaking high scores.
When I moved out and left my pet bird, Snoopy behind, they formed a close bond and when Snoopy died I recall my dad crying down the phone to me, one of the only occasions I ever recall him crying.
Another notable occasion was some years later in my new apartment when dad visited at Christmas he got emotional (aided by a liberal amount of lager) over how proud he was of me.
For many years my mum and I carried the shame of his hoarding, which in the latter years had invaded and eventually dominated every room in the house, thinking we were the only ones affected. Back then it wasn’t talked about, or understood as it is now as a serious mental health disorder (a form of depression).
A stubborn, infuriating man yes, but also a man who loved my mum and I utterly and deeply, who tragically, wasn’t able to show it.
So POP, my dad, who meant everything to me, who I tried so hard to please but never felt like I could, this is Game Over, but you will always be in our hearts.
I want to help spread the word of hoarding and organisations like yours so that hoarding which ultimately destroyed our family will hopefully not have such a devastating impact on others.
HoardingUK was established in 2008 when a one page informative website was launched. Now, due to demand, they are a multi-service organisation providing free, one-to-one support and advocacy. Their ‘flagship’ Support Line provides people with a course of one hour telephone sessions. They also run training courses for health, social and council professionals, host support groups (both physical and online) and proactively raise awareness through the media, events and by running workshops.
The result of working with HoardingUK has meant that:
• 83% of people with HD have a better understanding
• 63% have been able to reduce hoarding
• 63% feel there is somewhere to turn to for support
• 50% have received information and support when they needed it
For more information, please go to www.hoardinguk.org.
I appreciate your support for me during this difficult time. I thank you to for supporting me to make a difference in regard to something that impacted not only my father, but my entire family.
Many thanks.
