is my personal memoir. This book is in dedication to my late husband, Andrew Michael Savage, who died in 1997, from suicide. Writing and editing this book has been like an obsession and Love Letters, has it's own destiny. Everything I have been through and being a suicide surivour myself, from my own intents, has been working itself out of me, to find you. You, have given ME a chance if you have chosen to fund me and my project. Your funds, is my chance, a chance, at changing the world. Your world. To save a life from suicide. To sponsor me would change my life. To change the lives of those in needing to hear this story. This story is about getting to the person thinking suicide. Change it. Help me help them and save a life. “Pumpkin Pie” December 9th, 2010 “I made those choices. Not you. Remember that!, as I scream to you. Why can’t you hear me?! So I settle in the grave of the next yins that I’ve been waiting for her to hear me. I know my choice was the bad one, but look what you’re doing with me on this side! Listen to me! My grave is my grave, not yours. I had to go first because my tyme was up. I was a mess as a person and you kept me alive longer than I would have given myself. I know my mistakes now as a husband but it’s too late for me, not for someone else. I was there with you when you had my funeral, when you stood over my grave…I was helping your father carry you up that hill. To start your new life and to learn where I left off. I’m with you throughout this journey you’re seeking now. Be who you’re supposed to be. Be a great writer. This is what I’d say to her if she could hear me, as my echo keeps coming back to me and I replay it over and over to her as she lay sleeping. You’re so close to me only a ripple away. Go, on your way to something so great, I can’t even tell you. Don’t let my choices get in your way, ever. I knew who I was. A messed up kid who loved the idea of being the worlds most patient man who loved her and now I want her to hear me. I just want to tell her I’m okay. He’s taking really good care of me, walking beside me as you use my face to carry on. I’ve seen everything. Every second of it and I live in agony as I’ve been haunted just like you. It’s only when you learned who you were, was I able to go into the Light, but first you have to let me go on. You love me. You loved me.” I don’t want to hear anymore for my tears flow and I pull myself together and know that’s it’s only my voice in my head playing tricks on me. As he resurfaces. As you make me play your song of farewell. We were never meant for forever, and you always knew that. You were so beautiful walking down our isle. Looking like a dolphin jumping out and turned into this person we thought we were marrying, with your smile that could light up a huge crowd. I said those vows knowing, when will I now? Having our children was the best thing I’ve ever done and I picked you to be my children’s mother. I loved you, it’s only now you know to what degree. I watch you cry again and again and all I can do is be the sad love song you repeat over and over again but I’m waiving to you but you won’t see me. As she listens to one again. Reciting every words because that’s her life now. Knowing I’ve been with her. All the time. For her heart has been so sunken with guilt with what I did. I had nothing to say but when I was going to in my past tryes, and to thank my best friend, who he carries everyday. That’s all I needed to say. I can’t tell you my journey until you get Here. Or you just won’t tell me! Don’t argue with me, just type. Belong to this. Be a master in your craft. Stop blaming yourself for my death. I can’t even talk about that experience for me. I suffered as you suffered, but now that you’re better and you’ve discovered who you are, I’m able to be this for you. You never left me. You chanted my name over and over with tears so big, in such agony of breathing in my death. All your love that you’ve ever felt for me helped me move on too. Now you can listen to me and write many great books that will be enjoyed for yins. And you can press repeat to your hearts content. Cause that’s how you hear me. Why can’t you hear me?! I just want to say I love you…really. Your love gaps. They always made me smile and let you get anything you want. Let me reside in you and live on through your writing. I can’t wait to show you so much. Passion, Love, Stillness, with so much Light. So, now, go. Let me rest beside you tonight with your words from your dreams.“