My name is Laura and this is my journey of trying to become a mummy!

This group has been put together to support and raise money for our 6th IVF treatment and to give people a small insight to my rollercoaster of emotions, which has been my life for 7 years, from heartache, laughter, excitement to hope. I am still living on hope everyday and I am still hopeful for a child of my very own.

Unfortunately I can’t have children naturally, I had life saving chemotherapy and a BMT after been told I had 2 months left to live in December 2007 after discovering I had Aplastic Anaemia. The chemo caused an infection in both my fallopian tubes and caused low ovarian reserve, which resulted in losing both my tubes. I was also diagnosed with cancer in November 2012 and received 28 days radiotherapy. After everything I have been through with my health, the IVF treatment is by far the most pain I have suffered. Infertility hurts so far beyond the baby. It's about my marriage, my friendships and my ability to picture a future.

2010 - Cycle 1

The first cycle of IVF just 3 months after our wedding we were so excited but nervous, we were going to get our baby!  A huge disappointment feeling soon followed this. Unfortunately, our cycle didn’t work. I fell to pieces, why did it not work? Why am I not pregnant? Why me?  Everyone else seems to get pregnant easily; I was heartbroken and absolutely devastated. The things that were personal and private and special between my husband and I are no longer. I feel like a failure because I can’t give my husband a child and I feel like I’m not as much of a woman because my body can’t/won’t do the things it is supposed to do.

2011 - Cycle 2,3,4

The second round of IVF we were advised to use a donor by I was adamant that I was going to use my own eggs.  I couldn’t believe we had to make such a massive decision.  In the end my sister offered to donate to us.  We had 3 cycles from using my sister eggs, all unsuccessful.

2014 - Cycle 5

After a few years break we started thinking about IVF again.  My sister offered to have a baby for us, but she wanted a child of her own she first and I didn’t want to wait any longer, I am desperate for a child of my own!

So later that week I googled the hell out of google looking for something but didn’t know what? Then out of the blue, there it was, sperm donation…that was our next journey.

In September 2013 we went to clinic where Chris, my husband had several tests to do to see if he was a suitable candidate to be a sperm donor. This would mean we would get our next cycle of IVF at a cheaper price and was running out of money fast trying to become a family.

By June we were all good to go, we paid our money and then we received a letter to say his donations had been sent to families finally was this the one!! The next appointment was quite a big shock for me, we entered the appointment room the consultant started talking about donation, I had to stop him straight away as I had told them on three separate occasions that I wanted to use my own. They told me the odds and again nothing had changed much in a few years so reluctantly I agreed to a donor. 

We had to go back in 3 weeks; we waited anticipating what would be.  We finally went to our appointment and selected a donor, by this point we were both excited and it didn’t matter whose egg it was because this would be our baby!  July’s donor got cancelled, my donor didn’t produce enough eggs, I felt sorry for her but a few weeks later we had choose another out and everything was looking perfect, August we received 7 eggs from our donor, all 7 fertilized! Amazing news!

6 made it to day 1 and 2, and then they got froze.  Monday morning came, waiting around for the phone to ring, I was hopeful, the phone rang and I got the same tone as usual, I’m sorry Mrs. Pye, would you like us to thaw the last 3, of course I said! 

Around half an hour later we got the second call, 2 had survived and they were getting put in in a few hours, I put my lucky socks on from my sock buddy and we set off!!

While having them put in I was so nervous I was scared breathe blink or move, I knew how important it was and didn’t want to mess anything up.  I was official P.U.P.O (pregnant until proven otherwise).

Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body! Please let this be our time!

Scared but anxious to know if it had worked I started to test 10 days from after the embryos had been transferred into my womb and I saw a light pink faint line!!!! I was really pregnant, my body works!!!!!

I bought more and more tests and by the time my two-week wait was over I thought, finally it’s happening for us! Chris phoned up and she said congratulations, well it’s a cautious congratulations, my levels were 43 and the like them to be 70 so we had to go back for another blood test Monday how bitter sweet!

My levels had risen again but not by much 55, they like them to at least double. So blood test on Saturday again, still testing everyday and night on Thursday I did 3 at night, I was no longer pregnant.  I was in emotional and physical pain, I cried on bathroom floor for a while and then went upstairs and gave it to Chris.  It was all over, no babies for us again. 

We went in again on sat for blood test and then had them confirm that levels had dropped to 9 my world felt crushed!

How do I cope with this? I want the pain to disappear but when it’s gone, my babies will no longer be apart of me. All I want is to be a mummy…

On average private IVF donor treatment cost around £6000, which is a huge amount of money for anyone to keep paying out with no guarantee of a baby at the end but I am not ready to hang up my lucky socks just yet! I am asking for help to raise enough money to continue my journey of trying to become a mum, it’s the first thing I think about when I open my eyes in the morning and the last thing I think about when I go to bed at night. When I dream, I dream about holding my baby. Being a parent and having a family was always a part of the picture for us. I believe we are suffering enough, I feel lost and empty without a child, and infertility drives couples to financial hardship, which is the cruel reality of an IVF couple.