Rebuilding Our Lives After Violence & Homelessness
$170 raised
2% of $7.5k goal
4 contributors
0 days left
Ended Sep 3, 2018

I'm Delia Melody. My partner Zeigha and I are YouTubers and trans human rights activists originally from Florida, rebuilding our lives after homelessness.

Zeigha and I first met and became friends after I came out following my split from a previous partner of 4 years who had threatened me with consequences if I ever came out publicly or tried to transition, and my being disowned by my family, beaten, and thrown into a mental hospital, after which I found myself homeless, and without any friends after a campaign of slander by a friend of that same partner had erupted while I was helpless and in a hospital in response to public posts from activists I'd been referred to by my social worker, who were trying to help me find a job and a home and regain stability and access psychiatric therapy and medical treatment.

Zeigha and I met in the hospital. They were very caring and an immediate true friend. they were the first shoulder I had to cry on following finding my life suddenly flipped upside down around me. I had thought I was in hell.

I'd been staying with my parents who'd tried to coerce me back into the closet for a month following my split from my previous partner before that. My father was accepting to my face, but took my mother's side around her and in all public dealings that their son was dead to them, and I was what killed him.

It ended with me finding myself being beaten on New Years Eve 2015, after which two County Sherrifs officers nearly tazed me for reacting with fear to them bursting into my bedroom, and took me to a mental hospital. No charges were filed against my assailant.

I became an independent trans rights activists, and Zeigha became one of my strongest supporters.

I became known as the loudest trans rights activist in Florida, after being labeled as such by the then-president of a local trans rights activist non-profit, I released an independent album, and was rebuilding my life. I worked and marched with several local activist groups, fought city hall, was on the news several times, after being approached by reporters at local events and demonstrations, wrote for the Huffington Post in the Queer Voices, Women's Voices, and Latin Voices columns for a time, and you can find my interview with Equality Florida here.

Unfortunately the last relationship I was in while I was in Florida became toxic. My parter simultaneously became very uncaring, callous, and cold to me at the same time as I noticed signs that I may have been being stalked. My PTSD symptoms started resurging, and I began being punished for them in ways that ranged from subtle to obvious, she began acting like a performative ally with regards to human rights issues with regards to race and trans struggles again, which was something I'd thought she'd overcome, and I felt scared, alone, and un-valued. I ran away from home on one occasion, relapsed into self-harm on another, and the relationship ended. I found nowhere to rent in my hometown, and took an offer to move out of state from "fans."

They were not safe people. While I was there one of them said they were from my ex-wife's family and there to hurt me, to my face while the others were away, as though it were some sort of trap I'd fallen into.

The others acted like I was crazy and said that at worst he was trying to gaslight me and play on my PTSD from literal threats from my ex-wife's family, because he felt like he was being replaced. Later, another individual came to stay with us. One of them got physical with me and threatened to kill me on an occasion when they caught me self-harming, and in January of 2017 they allowed me to be beaten, raped several times, and deprived of food, hormones, and medication, and one of them to have other medications which I have reactions to put into my body while I was on what I later learned from more experienced individuals must have been a cocktail of drugs I never consented to having in my body, in addition to what I thought was just LSD.

After my experiences, I lost support, was slut-shamed, and people back home who had formerly been my friends had seemingly abandoned me. I was left to die by my abusers in what seemed a very intentional way.

I was completely alone in a strange town, finding myself being harassed constantly, unable to make sense of reality.

My abusers had tried to gaslight me in any number of ways while I was on substances that made my brain incredibly malleable and open to suggestion, and I lost my entire grip on reality.

It felt like an attempt to cause me to ruin my public image and my friendships by getting me to act out of character, some of it was out of propoganda, some of it insinuated that people had secret ties or relationships to celebrities who'd seen my channel and had a crush on me, some of it was literally aimed to make me think I'd died, and was in hell being punished for having been shallow to a previous partner, or alternately for a song I wrote about a different person, or that I was in Heaven and that all the punishments I was experiencing would end once I accepted that the universe around me existed to care for me.

I don't wish to go into the more graphic details of what was done to me in this post, but it tore my mind apart. One moment to the next, what started as a mind-expanding experienced was turned into a week and a half of horrors, I don't know if I slept, I was malnourished, and missing my hormones, and deprived of medication to help my existing PTSD, depression, and anxiety.

I was worked to exhaustion doing chores while I was still experiencing audial hallucinations, some visual hallucinations, and voices in my head painting various nightmare scenarios.

I vaguely remember at a point that the individual who'd said he was there to hurt me took advantage of all of this, and started planting lies and rumors with the others at a point from what I could tell that I wasn't genuine, and that they should leave me there. I was still having auditory hallucinations as near as I can tell inspired by my rapist who'd planted been planting claims that she was related to a celebrity I admire, and kept trying to insinuate that she was in love with me, going to come save me, etc.

She also used my state to coerce an acceptance of a public marriage proposal on my Facebook page.

I spent the next year and a half homeless, going from place to place, at times making the mistake of falling back into the hands of my abusers, being relieved of everything I'd accumulated over my life, my possessions, music equipment, my computer, clothing, personal items of significance to no one but myself, everything was gradually left behind, taken from me, had been given as gifts to people who became abusive, or was donated away without my consent.

At one point in Las Vegas, I was kidnapped, and even held at gunpoint, it wasn't until one of my friends from Pensacola finally noticed a video I made in secret, pleading for help from my captor's bathroom, that I was able to get help to get out to safety. They got me on a bus to Atlanta where Zeigha had gone.

Unfortunately her family is toxic and abusive, and we were forced to leave together, leaving behind all of her posessions to go back to Pensacola, where we found little to no help, and eventually ended up in a homeless shelter in Tallahassee, with Zeigha's car, and what posessions we had with us aside from my guitar and minimal clothing we had left behind.

The person who we had to leave the car with (The plates were expired) ghosted us. so we now have no idea what even happened to that, but we were offered shelter in California and money to go so we did.

We ended up in a very toxic situation that nearly broke both of us mentally several times, before finally being offered what has so far been safe shelter with a set of wonderful roommates in Oregon.

Now, we are here, having worked and struggled past all adversities to get to this point, and it's time to rebuild our lives.

We are humbly asking for your help to crowdfund so that we will be able to afford an older, cheap, hopefully reliable vehicle, and to replace necessary work equipment to continue our work, and in my case, my music career, clothing, some of which is worn to the point of having to be patched multiple times, and make the space we live in live-able.

We also might be moving again, just to a different apartment/house/location soon in the same area, depending on circumstances regarding whether or roommates decide to stay or leave after the lease, as they just graduated college, and if they leave, whether or not we are able to replace them, so we have also included this cost.

Throughout our journeys, I've faced discrimination and obstacles on account of my race, and my transness. On occasion, I've even faced police brutality, my experiences have been traumatizing to the point of nearly losing function completely on several occasions, and I've often been frightened to speak publicly on them on account of fears of retaliation, which have proven true in the past, but thanks to support from my Deely-Boppers, which is the name I've given to my fans on YouTube, whom I consider to be more my real family than any other I've known, I've made it this far, and I'm alive.

We are alive, and here, and it's thanks to your support. We know that you are here because you believe in supporting trans rights and the effort to spread awareness, and sex positive feminist education, and that trans people should have every chance to shine that our cis heroes get when we are driven and ambitious, no matter what life's violence does to us, and that our quality of life shouldn't be ruined by cis violence and transphobia, and we know that with your help, we can accomplish our goal.

We added estimated $3,000 for a 15 year old Toyota, or similar basic vehicle (I know I jokingly once promised myself that my next car would be a trans am to replace my firebird I got in 2011 after I was forced to voluntarily have it reposessed when I was sick and unable to work for 3 months the following year, and the Saturn I gave away to my ex-wife when I bought it, which was my first car that I'd just finished paying off, but we can't afford to be picky, and are trying to keep our goals for fundraising realistic.) Zeigha has a problem with one of their knees that makes walking in the mountainous terrain in Oregon difficult, and I have similar issues on account of a previous injury, and atrophy, so transportation is essential for work, appointments, getting groceries, and just living life.

Past that we added up a list of work equipment and essentials to be replaced. We don't really care about pimping out the room, or our "ride," we just need it to be utilitarian for work on our YouTube channels to get back to the point of making the kind of content I was previously able to make before the worst of the events of the past 2 years. Some of it is basic necessities and equipment we've had to buy and lost again and had to replace before, but we are now in a stable place in Oregon where health insurance covers all of my necessary hormone treatments and procedures.

We are at our destination, now it's time to rebuild. Thank you for your support. Please share this with your family and friends who support trans rights to spread awareness so that we may continue living our lives, following our dreams, and doing everything we can to bring awareness to the kind of violence and ignorance that leads to experiences like ours so that we can continue to work towards bringing an end to them.

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$10 USD
Special Thanks: First Initial and Last Name
I'm currently working on an docu/bio of my experiences. Everyone who donates $10 or more will have the option to have their initial and last name listed in the Special Thanks of that video if your donation is made before it is finished.

Please be sure to let me know whether or not you are taking advantage of this perk and what first initial and last name you are going by either by commenting with your donation, or by email.

Email: delia.melody87@gmail.com
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$25 USD
Special Thanks: First and Last Name
I'm currently working on an docu/bio of my experiences. Everyone who donates $25 or more will have the option to have their first and last name listed in the Special Thanks of that video if your donation is made before it is finished.

Please be sure to let me know whether or not you are taking advantage of this perk and what first and last name you are going by either by commenting with your donation, or by email.

Email: delia.melody87@gmail.com
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$50 USD
Special Thanks: Nickname or Handle
I'm currently working on an docu/bio of my experiences. Everyone who donates $50 or more will have the option to be listed in the Special Thanks of that video by their choice of nickname or internet handle if your donation is made before it is finished.

Please be sure to let me know whether or not you are taking advantage of this perk and what nickname or internet handle you are going by either by commenting with your donation, or by email.

Email: delia.melody87@gmail.com
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I'm currently working on an docu/bio of my experiences. Everyone who donates $50 or more will have the option to be listed in the Special Thanks of that video by their choice of name, nickname, or internet handle, along with a small portrait or avatar to be included in a title-card with others who've donated $100 or more if your donation is made before it is finished. Think Yearbook style!

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Email: delia.melody87@gmail.com
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$500 USD
Special Thanks: Your Own Title Card
I'm currently working on an docu/bio of my experiences. Everyone who donates $500 or more will have the option to have their own page with two large pictures, portraits, or avatar, and a trans-positive message or personal story typed up in the credits of that video if your donation is made before it is finished.

Limit two pictures, or one picture, and 300 words. Links to trans-safe sites are acceptable and encouraged.

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Remember Senior Ads? It's kinda like that. It's my ultimate way to show my appreciation in this video. Thank you.

Email: delia.melody87@gmail.com
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