Hi everyone, 

I know you get a lot of emails and requests for money every day. The reason I’m posting this is to help a friend of mine who is currently in a highly abusive situation and she would like to get out. She can’t post this herself because if her abuser finds out, her life is in serious danger. So, as her friend, I knew the least I could do would be to share her story and her plea for money. The story below is somewhat sparse on specific details to protect her identity. That said, it IS a genuine story from a dear friend and someone who I would love to know has safely extricated herself from a harmful situation. So, I’m asking you to spare a few minutes of your day and a few (or more!) dollars from your wallet to help her out. She deserves the opportunity to restart her life away from this man.

~Lisa

Her story:
I'm a victim of domestic violence, and I’ve learned there’s nowhere to turn. With your help, I can avoid being a casualty.
Like most women, I never thought I would be here. Yet I am, living with physical, emotional and mental abuse, worrying if each day if today might be the day that he can’t come back from. 
It started slowly. The first time he strangled me I wrote it off as a mistake. He was drunk, he didn’t know what he was doing. It wasn’t him, it was the alcohol. He loved me and would never do it again. I considered strangulation less of a crime than hitting so I made it less severe in my head. The next time, I blamed myself. I had been text messaging him some pretty nasty messages but I should have known he would be angered by them. This time he had grabbed me by the throat through my car window but this time it was so hard I was sure I would pass out. When he finally let go I quickly got out of my car but he then burnt my face with a cigarette, spat in my face and was man handling me extremely violently. At this point, I was nearly 6months pregnant. I decided it would be the “last time.” And I tried my best to keep him away by avoiding phone calls but he owed me a lot of money and I knew he would never do the right thing and pay it back if I wasn’t with him, I have 2 kids already and another on the way and I was hoping this beautiful little baby would be enough for him to wake up to what he was doing and get help to change our future for the better. He managed to over the next week convince me that it would never happen again and promised to change and get help. He stopped drinking (full time anyway) but fights became excuses to leave and drink, at-least that was how it looked to me. Everything just became normal, my everyday life, I knew I was miserable but he had made me believe that no one else would ever want a single mum of 3 kids to 3 different dads. He used all my insecurities against me and threats against his life, my life or having my kids taken from me were regular events. He hit the dashboard of my car once after he had cheated on me, pulled up my handbrake while driving and smeared his blood all over my face due to me questioning where he had been. If I went out with friends, he would threaten to kill himself or damage my house and property. If my friends came over he would cause drama with them so they felt uncomfortable and leave. He had even started to distance me from my mother and father. He stalked my pages online and eventually hacked into my google accounts when I hadn’t done 1 thing to destroy the trust but he had. Every time we fought and broke up he ended up back at his exes with his children and sleeping with her every time.

It took until our daughter was born to really sink in what he was doing to me. I was at an appointment at the hospital with my little girl and in front of me was a poster called “the control and power wheel” and it hit me then, he ticked every single box apart from the sexual abuse part. How did he manage to convince me he loved me or to stay with him, I’m still not sure how I could fall in love with such a game playing narcisist and remain in that relationship.

Until 2 weeks ago… In total in the 2 years we have been together he has smashed a ranch slider, back glass door, kitchen window, x2 garage windows, my car rear windscreen, x2 side car mirrors, a glass hob top for oven, a toilet seat, x3 phones (including my s8plus that I am still paying off), replacement parts for those phones, many cups and plates, my wooden gate he deliberately reversed into, many dents in my car and over 15 holes in walls throughout my house. I have caught him stealing my things on numerous occasions including my last $20 only 2 weeks ago that I needed for formula. He owes me just in cash $2500 due to not working or receiving any income at all for 12 weeks and never paying his share of rent and bills, every single week not only was he short but he was borrowing money on top of that also. The financial debt he has got me into is very depressing as I have never been in debt my whole life. He relies on this to keep me with him but 2 weeks ago I left (sorry made him leave as my parents own my house) I called the cops for the first time as he got a lot more physical than ever before. He threw me around a lot, strangled me again but then from behind he grabbed my neck and bit my face so hard that I was crying. The moment he let me go I crumpled to the floor crying, begging him to leave and knowing I couldn’t be with this person anymore. That I was teaching my beautiful little girl and her 2 amazing brothers that this was how you treated someone you loved or that they should ever accept and stay in a relationship to that nature. The minute he walked out that door with my handbag and phone I locked it and dialled 111. Due to past incidences where neighbours had called police, I had been told to get a protection order by Oranga Tamariki so he knew when I called them he was breaching and that seemed to be enough to make him leave but not without smashing my phone to pieces and stealing my cards and spare keys. I still feel like I love this person, how I still could I actually have no idea but I also know that if I continue to take him back especially without any changes in place he would just continue to do this to me forever. I was enabling him and it was time I put a stop to it. It was the hardest call I’ve ever made but it was the right thing to do. If I took him back it has been made clear also that I will lose my children so I will not give him that chance to destroy my life even more than he already has. I get a minimum of 40 calls a day with both nice messages and threatening but today my mum took me out and brought me a new phone with a new number. I hate that he can’t be in his daughter’s life right now but he needs to get help for himself before he can be anything to his daughter.

So…This campaign is to help me get the financial assistance I desperately need so he can’t try and weaken my decision to not be in a relationship with him ever again. I have no other way of paying back these debts on my own without help and obviously I can’t and more importantly DON’T want to rely on him for anything. I have had more help than I am entitled too through WINZ so other than getting myself into more debt I have decided to reach out to the generosity and kindness of strangers in the hope that I can get these debts paid and then I have no weaknesses to target again. More importantly though, I would like to raise the funds to move not just move to another house but also to another city. My goal is to have these all paid by 29/06/2019.

Basic Facts

76% of family violence incidents are NOT reported to Police. (2)

Police investigated 118,910 incidents of family violence in 2016 or about one every 5 minutes. This was an increase of more than 8,000 on 2015. There were more than 101,955 investigations in 2014 and 95,101 in 2013. It is not clear whether the increase is due to an increase in violence or an increase in people reporting family violence incidents.

In the four years from 2009 to 2012, an average of 13 women, 10 men, and 9 children were killed each year as a result of family violence.

Partner abuse

50% of Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) deaths occurred at the time of actual or intended separation.

1 in 3 women experience physical and/or sexual violence from a partner in their lifetime.

In the four years from 2009 to 2012, 76% of intimate partner violence-related deaths were perpetrated by men, 24% were perpetrated by women.

What I need:

My keep him away fund requires $5,500: 

$2,320 4 weeks bond. (WINZ won’t pay this as I have already borrowed from them for a bond in this house, however I lost that bond due to all the damages to the house and property.

$500 moving expenses. (WINZ will pay this)
$500  emergency miscellaneous costs

$620 overdue power bill (disconnection letter received 28/05/2019, will disconnect in 7 days)

$274.74 Water care overdue bill

$354.88 Sky Television overdue bill

$361.72 Vodafone Landline and Broadband

$178.99 Vodafone Mobile

$103.42 Loan (for 1 week missed payment. Loan I had to get for Christmas as he had run me dry and I had no money to buy presents for my children and my youngest sons birthday is also on Christmas day.)

These bills have been missed due to him not working constantly throughout the relationship but more so during the last 6months, he didn’t work a day in those 6 months, he wasn’t paying enough each week to cover his share of the rent and utilities or food and was borrowing more and more each week. He knew bills were not getting paid but kept making promises to pay them in full himself. Obviously he never intended on doing that, he was relying on getting me in debt so that I was more inclined to stay with him. Up until the last 3 months I have never been late in paying a bill, they were always paid ahead of time. I have budgeted to the point where I can afford future weekly payments but there isn’t any extra to pay off these debts.

$400 glass door that has been smashed (didn’t have enough in my bond to cover this damage)

$? Unsure as what amount is needed to pay for the locks and ignition barrel and alarm key to be replaced on my car due to him stealing my keys. I didn’t get insurance due to not having the money to get a warrant of fitness which cancelled out any insurance that I would of received.
Total funds to raise: $4,832.03

Other Ways to Help: 

I understand that not everyone has financial resources to donate right now, or to donate much. Every bit really helps. You also all have social networks. Even if you cannot donate yourself, please do the favour of sharing this campaign with others who you know and raising awareness. 

Useful Links: 
http://areyouok.org.nz/
https://www.police.govt.nz/advice/family-violence/help

https://nzfvc.org.nz/family-violence-statistics