Hi! I'm Jen. I am an adoptee who is constantly struggling with depression. 

With research, I have learned that this is a very common issue for not just us adoptees, but also our first mothers. 

The separation of mothers and their babies has caused many deep wounds that we are all struggling to heal from in some way, every day. 

I am a podcast listener. I work as a caregiver, and my clients all live about an hour away. This has given me the perfect time to listen, and learn from Podcasts. I have searched for Podcasts pertaining to adoption, and I haven't found any that specifically relate to those of us separated by adoption & our issues.

During my search process I was lucky enough to join a support group for all members of the triad. Those people were my rocks during my emotional roller coaster of reunion. Even before finding, hearing the stories of fellow adoptees in the group made me realize I was NOT alone in this. The stories of the natural mothers, made me realize my mother was probably pressured to give me up. (I found out later from my Maternal grandma that "I wasn't about to raise another baby".)

This helped me on so many levels because I had really struggled with feeling abandoned, rejected, unwanted, and unloveable. This really destroys your self-esteem.

Relinquishment, separation, causes the Primal Wound.

Getting our stories told in a format as accessible as a podcast has the potential to help so many!

I am seeking funding to help get this off the ground, by covering costs associated with producing a podcast. Equipment, software, website, promoting, products (Stickers, shirts etc)

My story, the short version:

I was born in Pittsburgh in 1971. My private adoption was orchestrated by my mother's ob/gyn, who was known for helping "girls in trouble" I was kept in the hospital for a week, then my adoptive parents brought me home. They already had a biological child of their own who was 9 years old. My sister. <3 My adoption cost $372. All they had to pay was legal fees, and court costs. 

I had a pretty normal 70's suburban childhood. My parents and sister were pretty great. My adoption was intercultural. I am mostly German, English, and a little Cherokee. My adoptive dad was Spanish. His mom had come from Spain when she was 11. My adoptive mom was Mexican.

They had met when dad was working for a company in Mexico, and mom was his secretary. He had some physical disabilities and disfigurement from genetic conditions he suffered from. Mom fell in love with him, eloped against her mother's wishes. They got pregnant with my sister right away. They were never able to have more children. My parents did not seek out adoption, it was suggested by a family friend who knew the doctor that would deliver me. My parents were excited about the idea since my mom always wanted a big family. 

Jumping forward... as kid, and into my early 20s, I had a LOT of anger towards my natural mom. When my Adoptive mom had to remind me that I was adopted when starting kindergarten, I had a huge tantrum screaming that she didn't want me, and a whole bunch of other stuff that I am sure broke my adoptive mom's heart. I always felt like I had to explain to people that I am adopted whenever it came up that my mom was Mexican... because that would usually result in a funny look. I'm sure they were thinking "How is it possible that a Mexican had such a blonde, white kid???" 

When my Adoptive mom had to remind me that I was adopted when starting kindergarten, I had a huge tantrum screaming that she didn't want me, and a whole bunch of other stuff that I am sure broke my adoptive mom's heart. I always felt like I had to explain to people that I am adopted whenever it came up that my mom was Mexican... because that would usually result in a funny look. I'm sure they were thinking "How is it possible that a Mexican had such a blonde, white kid???" 

When you tell someone you are adopted, you typically get asked questions like, "Do you know who your parents are?" "Are you going to look for them?" etc. I would usually say "NO! She gave me up, I'm not interested in her." I was mad. 

Then in February of 1990, my adoptive dad passed from Cancer... I was crushed as I was a complete daddy's girl. Shortly after he passed, my Grandma, his mom became ill. She passed the following May of leukemia.  By the time my grandma passed, I was just numb. It was a lot to deal with.

This really got me thinking... My sister now knew of cancer in her family medical history... I knew NOTHING! 

Along came the mid 90s, when afternoon talk shows were in their glory, and the reunion shows really took off. I would watch these shows with tears streaming down my face, studying the 2 people who were just reunited. Examining their mannerisms, and appearance looking at the obvious similarities... I learned of online adoption reunion registries at the end of these shows. I would spend HOURS scouring the data on message boards of people seeking, and entering my information into every reunion registry I could find. 

After doing this for over a year with no leads, I started telling people that I felt like if she wasn't looking for me, then she had to be dead. 

When I was 30 I joined an adoption support group and was spoonfed the information I needed to get the ball rolling in my search. The search was not difficult for my intermediary as my maternal grandparents had never moved. 

This is when I learned that my first Mother was deceased.

She passed at the age of 27. 

A short time later, I went to meet the man listed as my natural father on my original birth certificate, only for him to tell me that there was no way he was my dad, but he knew who he was. He also said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but he's dead too."

Both were devastating blows. 

I am healing more everyday. 

I believe this podcast will help me to heal faster, and will help others to heal too! 

I also hope that this podcast will be educational for adoptive parents. Some adoptive parents seem like they don't want to talk about it... I honestly think sometimes it's because they can't really bear the thought of the pain we go through at times. Perhaps this will help the parents to understand us better. 

I'm dedicating this effort to my first mom.