From Raphael:

Hi y'all, I'm sending this message seeking support.

It's been about 5 years now since I started believing in myself and wanting to share what I could give to the world. I realized that I was not some kind of manic idiot, I was neurodivergent. Before that, I had avoided higher education that I wanted because I believed I couldn't do it. I started my mental health journey by seeking treatment for ADHD and trying really hard to figure out how to be better at being me.

I enrolled in Introductory Algebra and GE courses in 2016, pushing hard to get out of academic probation, and looking forward to the day I would have the math prerequisites that would allow me to learn chemistry and physics.

Along with that, I was faced with  the horrible realization that I had been in an abusive marriage for 10 years. Instead of support from my spouse, my efforts catalyzed a series of traumatic events that left me with a diagnosis of PTSD and Panic Disorder. I was also left with being a single custodial parent of an only child. I pushed through as a DV survivor with very few friends for a while.

Over the past 5 years, slowly and bit by bit, I have made progress. I started creating the children's picture book of my dreams, A Brief Introduction to the Universe for Kids. I invented a science education toy, the "Gnogi," and  completed a working prototype.

I developed the curriculum and materials for 6 hands-on labs for kids from 1st through 6th grade and used them to teach about 100 kids about the fundamental forces, static electricity, and magnetism; how to power a light with a potato; how to make an electromagnet; how to make a fan spin with solar power; and a basic understanding of seeds and how to plant them.

I started a wild-tending group and support the local Indigenous land management movement. I started voluntarily taking care of a municipal park, Verbena Fields, leading monthly plant walks, contributing to educational videos and writings, and gathering seeds year round to give away and plant for the sake of repairing the land and sharing what I knew.

And in 5 years I've made it into Physics 3, Calculus 3, and Statistics, on an excess timeframe petition, and I'm set to receive an AS in Mechanical Engineering at the end of spring 2022.

This is the hardest and maybe the most important semester of my life, because I am in perhaps the 3 hardest math courses at Butte College at once, and because after this semester I will be applying for scholarships with a current GPA of roughly 3.0 to try to live off of while I complete a BA in mechatronics at Chico State, to hopefully consolidate my knowledge by working with tree planting drones and other technology for eco-restoration.

I've been pushing myself to my limit over the last few weeks with these courses, and I'm beginning to slip.

I never took a vacation this summer. To "make up" for the 3 days or so that I took off work to help with Traditional Ecological Knowledge workshops, I worked 11 days on, one day off, when the temps were around 110 degrees.  I've run the nursery on my own on weekends for along time, so many continuous weeks of my life I've had no days off between work and school. While my time has become more valuable and in demand, I've spent a lot of it making minimum wage--my yearly income is about $16,000. Except for a short time at the beginning of the pandemic, I have worked full time for the past 16 years straight, including 7 years at the nursery. I've never been fired or spent any time off in between jobs.

Very recently I was placed on temporary medical leave. I'm disabled for the time being, and I'm not sure yet what that will mean for my income.

Meanwhile, my truck is leaking from the water pump, which is part of the engine. I rely on out-of-pocket psychiatry and therapy to meet the severity of my mental health needs.  I have cracked and missing teeth from a teenage accident; to fix them may cost up to $30K but I’d settle for just one or two implants. You can't really tell by looking at me but I am missing molars on all four sides of my mouth. Worsening dental health impacts my ability to chew food and I believe are partly to blame for a recent hospitalization due to apparent internal bleeding in my guts for which I have a procedure scheduled in November on the date of a calculus exam. And upkeep on being a good parent has been expensive when I've had no time.

In spite of all the privilege and support I have already been lucky to receive, several friends suggested that I should have the audacity to ask for money. But I also need help of any form: ideas, encouragement, support. So many of you have been supportive of me in so many ways, and I want you to see me succeed and be able to give more. But it's taken me a week to even find the spoons to write this. I'm reaching out. I'm sure I need help now more than ever.

Thank you.