Hi my name is Jacqueline,
On Oct. 11th 2012, one day prior to my 41st birthday, I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. A week later I underwent a painful biopsy and mammogram which confirmed the diagnoses, another week later I had my left breast removed. It was sent to pathology where it was discovered they didn't have clear margins, which meant that they did not successfully remove all the cancer in my skin. My first Oncologist appointment revealed the severity of it all. I was told that I had stage 4 Breast cancer, and the cancer had spread to my lungs.
The Oncologist proceeded to show me all the spots in both lungs, “here, here, here, here, here”....I couldn't look anymore, I started to cry, thinking, no this can't be real.... I was told I had a slow growing cancer, they told me that I should be fine. Now, all I hear is “you’re dying!” Those were not the words the Dr. was saying, he wanted me to be fully informed. Through my tears I ask that painful question, almost stuttering through my cries, how long do I have? The Dr. put his hands on my knees and said I am not GOD, I don't know, you could have months or years. Months or years.....months or years. From that moment all I am thinking about is dying, how am I going to die, when, how much suffering, when? He had set up treatment plans for me that included 4 rounds of chemo and 30 rounds of radiation. I wanted to remove the rest of that skin with the cancer, but he wanted me to begin treatment right away. I went home and went right to my bed. My mom, who was living with us at the time, came downstairs and leaned over me hugging me telling me“Jacqueline I love you so much, please, please don't give up, you fight for those 4 babies, (Jadzia 8, Jorja 6,, Rayce 5, Tèa 3) they need you.
You are such a good mother, please for those babies keep fighting.” All I did that day was cry. My oldest, Jadzia, who was 8 at the time, came downstairs with huge tears in her eyes and said “Mommy, is it true you have cancer in your lungs?” In my head I was thinking oh my dear Lord; I did not want the kids to know that. But, I had to sit her next to me trying to fight the tears that are welling in my eyes, “yes baby I do, it's true.” She said “but mommy you can't live without lungs” and started crying. I held her close and told her “Mommy is strong and they are only spots sweetie. I will fight hard; I can do it with your support.” She shook her head in agreement “yes you will be fine.” Later that day she painted me a picture that said “Mommy you will be fine, don't worry.”
Dec. 21st I began my first treatment, I did well. Day 3 after treatment, Christmas Eve, I went to the hospital to receive my first Neupogen injection. The side effects were awful from this shot. By the evening I could barely walk, my legs felt like glass. I had to have 5 injections per chemo session, starting every day 3 for 5 days in a row. I had the VON's come in to give me the shot. My chemo sessions were one every 3 weeks, so after my third session, most of my hair had fallen out. My husband Ray said “OK Jacqueline it's time”, and we had a very precious moment together as he shaved the remainder of my hair off. I laughed as he shaved my head because it tickled so much and, of course, Ray and I like to tease one another.
We made what would be a bittersweet moment into a fun experience. I didn't have many issues during treatment, nothing to complain about really, slight nausea but nothing major. Until after the last one, I began to have periods of losing my vision. Ray said it was old age, uh huh. He never fails to remind me that I am after all, 11 months older than him. Five weeks after my last chemo session I had to go to Halifax for a petscan. A week later I had my first appointment with my Radiologist who gave me the good news, I had no active cancer! Yay! Ray and I and all our family were thrilled. Not onlywas I in remission but a couple of the spots in my lungs disappeared! The Radiologist left it up to me whether or not to proceed with radiation, and under his advice, we decided to wait.
However, I did have a referral to another Radiologist, a new Doctor. He shared my case with his colleagues from away, and it was discovered that if I didn't have the radiation, the cancer would most likely become active and they would have to remove all my skin in the affected area, and do skin grafts which may not work to well. So, under recommendation, I decided to go through with the 30 rounds of radiation. In July 2013, I completed radiation therapy. I had no skin under my armpit and none on my chest. The pain and burning especially during the hot months made it almost unbearable. At the end of August I suffered with sever nerve pain going down my inner thigh. Taking no chances, I ended up in the ER and after a catscan it was discovered I had cysts on my ovaries. An OBGYN was called in and she believed they were tumors. So I opted to have a complete hysterectomy. On Oct.23rd 2013, exactly a year ago that I had my left breast removed, I had my hysterectomy. I was in recovery for 6 hours because they could not control my pain, and I had stopped breathing 3 times from a certain medication for pain. I spent 3 days in the hospital, and at home continued to recover another 6 long painful weeks. In Dec. 2013, our 13 month old Maytag washer broke down and was unrepairable. We couldn't afford a new washer at this time, so my mom offered us to use hers until we could get one.
January 2014, I had another catscan. This one revealed that I had two new spots in my left lung, the Doctor doesn't know when I got them, but is certain it was during the time I was on Tamoxifen. So he said we will start over, with this scan being the baseline to compare to your next scan which will be in 2 months. After spending almost 3 months of hauling laundry back and forth from Sydney to Glace Bay, we received our income tax return which paid for our new washer. I just recently had my second catscan for this year and I have an appointment on March 31st for the test results, we are hoping, praying that we will get good results.
On Wednesday March 26th, the day of the huge blizzard, Ray had to work. I worried all day about him getting stuck or getting into a car accident, thank goodness he made it home safely. However, I learned that Ray just made it. Something along the way home happened, and caused the engine in our only vehicle to seize. I just shake my head, really, come on, like we haven't had enough hardships over the past 2 years. Update, the vehicle is running again for now but needs major repairs that are quite costly.
Our cousin Joyce who is an Angel wants to help Ray and I out, and came up with the idea to have an online benefit for us. Ray and I are very humble people and we try to do everything on our own. We are not comfortable in asking for help but everyone keeps saying there is no shame in asking for help. We could use the help, and we would really from the bottom of our hearts appreciate it. So for all of you who decide to help our family out, we want to thank you. God Bless you all.
Thank you so much. Love Ray, Jacqueline, Jadzia, Jorja, Rayce and Téa.
