The Night I Died: ✨✨✨

By Shawn Barry Farewell

It was early September 1994; I had just finished two months of aggressive chemotherapy; with no change in my status there wasn't anything medically that could be done to save my life. The only thing left is to wait for death and try to live out my remaining time comfortably. No one ever expects that death would come so soon in their life, but here I was at the age of 30 supposed to be preparing for my wedding but instead looking towards my funeral. The only thing left for the hospital to do is a biopsy which was scheduled for September 22, 1994 which puts me two weeks away from that day. But you can tell by my Doctor’s face, in the tone of his voice he wasn't very optimistic about my status. I had a large tumor 7cm on the right side of my lung; the mass would not shrink after two months of aggressive chemotherapy. The lymphoma was also in my neck and I had spotty marks on my bones which meant it was spreading, this is why the doctors felt I didn't have long to live. They have seen many cases in the past where the outcome ended up in death. What choice did I have at this point? I was running out of options and nowhere to turn; to curve the curiosity of the doctors they were willing to take a peek inside my chest cavity; and most likely see disease at which point they would close me up and send me home to live out my remaining time. Two weeks before my surgery I had the most extraordinary experience of my life; it had taking me a long time to come to terms with what happened to me that night. In the beginning I could not make any sense of what took place and when I tried to speak to people about it they thought I was insane. Maybe they were right, maybe I was insane; but eventually I met a special lady, her name was Suzanne and she had a gift. Suzanne's gift was insight to the other side; she can tap into spirits and lost loved ones that have passed on with their lives. I remember the first time walking into her apartment and all the lights were flickering; Suzanne looked at me with amazement and wonder. She said to me, “What did you bring with you into my apartment?” I remember standing there looking around and I shrugged my shoulders and responded by saying, “I don't know. What did I bring?” Suzanne smiled and said, “There are 20 angels standing around you guarding you. The strangest thing is they're all women, dressed as warriors like if they were here to protect you.” I said, “They’re my entourage!” She chuckled and said, “Good one Shawn.” But all kidding aside Suzanne told me that they are here to watch over me, so we decided to sit down and she took some cards and had me shuffle them and cut them and placed them on the table. She pulled a few cards out and flipped them over. The first thing she said to me was, “You were sick.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement. I said nothing. The second thing she said was, “You had cancer.” Again, it wasn’t a question. I still kept silent. She looked at me and asked, “What type of cancer did you have?” I was willing to answer this question and I told her Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. She said, “That's a bad cancer.” And then the strangest thing happened next; she looked at me, her eyes seemed to have rolled back into her head, her face went all white with an odd facial expression; when she spoke she said, “But you died.” I remember sitting there in silence, just staring at her wondering, how could she have known this? For the longest time I had difficulties trying to tell people my story and what really happened that one night in early September, Two weeks before my biopsy; well, this is my story. It all took place in my bedroom one night; I had difficulty sleeping as there were times I thought to myself, what if I never wake up? What If I fall asleep for the last time; what would that do to my fiancée, finding me in the morning dead beside her? That would probably really mess her up; but I had no control on what was going to happen to me. That night I woke up to the voice of a woman calling me, I remember that voice from my past. I have heard her voice many times as a child growing up in my life; I was very familiar with her voice. I remember opening my eyes and staring at the ceiling; there were three lights, the most beautiful lights I've had ever seen. One of the lights spoke to me and told me come to the lights. I reached towards the light feeling like I was floating. Some form of energy connected to my soul, I had no control because the energy took over and guiding me towards the lights. As I got closer to these three lights I felt this energy field around me, something I've never felt before in my life. All I remember is that there was no more pain, no more suffering and there was this overwhelming joy of love. The lights spoke to me again and asked me to come closer. It got to the point that I was almost going into the lights and then I stopped; the lights spoke again and told me that everything was going to be all right. I remember looking at the lights and smiling and then turning around and I saw myself lying in bed beside my fiancée. I realized then that I was out of my body; I said to myself, “I think I'm dead.” But I wasn’t afraid because the lights generated comfort, fearlessness and love all around me. Just then I looked back at the lights and thought I'm not ready; for some reason I knew I wasn’t ready; I don't know why but there's something I have to do before I cross over to the other side, and then the light smiled at me and then severed me from the energy and I found myself falling so fast that I fell back into my body. I sprang out of bed shaking, not understanding what had just happen to me. My fiancée woke up worried; she thought I was suffering a massive heart attack or something. She asked me, “Are you all right?” I tried to tell her what just happened but she did not want to hear it as she was afraid of this kind of stuff and told me to go back to sleep. The next day all I can do is think about it and try to put the pieces together but I was second guessing myself and I thought it was all in my mind. Maybe the cancer was attacking my brain maybe I hallucinated this whole experience and maybe this is the final stages of death. No one would ever believe me if I told them; they would probably think I was crazy, that I was losing my mind. People would say it's from all the drugs that doctors are giving you. I did not listen to these people because they don’t understand what I'm talking about or what I had just experienced was real to me. A week later, I woke up in the middle of the night with a massive chest pain; it felt like everything inside me was being crushed. I was unable to get air inside my lungs and I thought that the lights were coming back, that it changed its mind and was coming to take me. The pain lasted for what seemed like an hour but actually about thirty to forty seconds, when it finally stopped I was able to breathe again, but I was preparing myself for it to come back which it never did. I could not explain what just happened, all I know is that death was close by. But of course people who know my story know what happens next, where I wind up on the operating table, where they open up my chest and find that the cancer had died and turned into groups of cysts. Of course the medical field could not explain what happened or why; they had never seen anything like it before. But if I told the doctors what had happened to me in the last two weeks with the lights and leaving my body and the pain in my chest, they would probably put me in a mental institution. So this is why it has been difficult for me to try and share my story with people, I thought people would laugh behind my back and make fun of me. I went through this as a child and did not want to go through it again. But there was one lady who wrote me a letter and said, “The night you got the pain in your chest was the hand of God crushing the cancer and killing it.” Another lady that I met said, “The three lights that I witnessed was the Trinity - the father, the son and the Holy Spirit. Eventually, years later, I understood things more clearly and I truly believe that I died that night but came back as I have unfinished business before my time comes to an end. I made a promise to God one night in the hospital when I was sick from the last set of chemotherapy treatments; I called out to God and I said to him, “If I'm going to die three months down the road then I want to go tonight! I'm done! I am tired and I'm weak and I've given everything that I can give to prove to you that I am loyal! But then I said, “If you don't want me now I want my life back and in return I will share this story with others and within my story they will find you.” From that point on I have been a messenger sharing my story and helping to motivate people spiritually to teach them to never give up, never lose your faith and become a better person and in turn they too will help others. This has been my mission for the last 22 years. Now it's time to share the whole story with the world and make them understand that we all have a purpose in life and if you find yours then fulfill it.