The tube.

A warren of filthy, varicose sewers that seep underneath the Great Wen; an agonising Iceland own-brand Super Mario Bros. 3 affair of half-hearted design, where you can play out Zeno's paradox against an armpit, arriving never at Earl's Court. Rewarding!  

I hate it. Guyz, it's no Pyongyang Metro. But on the 9th September, I will be riding every line to every station on the London Underground network. 270 stations (DLR and Overground don't count, bro).  "They" call it The Tube Challenge. The Guinness World Record is 16hrs 21 minutes, which I am totes going to break, promise. It means going to all the fiddly stations and negotiating the jokes TFL timetablers are famous for. The full rules are here. To do it quick enough to squeeze it into a day, it’s not just a case of riding up and down the lines, some lines need to be sprinted between (Stanmore to Edgware, High Barnet to Cockfosters), some stations need to be visited twice (Paddington's stations are too far away from each other to count) and some bits can be discarded completely. The challenge, then: to make it through 20 hours of constant citymapper vigilance and a distance of at least a half-marathon. If it isn't under 20 hours, I'll have failed. The tube's only open that long.You can keep up with my preparations and declining mental state here. Proof will come in the form of photos and other tools I can think up for the day. Should be fun, eh?

BUT, I hate running. Cycling’s my game: the lycra-embrace of a man’s private marrow groaning up an incline to an obscure ski-station has a greater sway over me than any nipple-based marathon anect-bore. And, while I often graze wikipedia for all the latest tube facts, the horrible reality of the tube represents to me little more than an inefficient way to trap the trumps of little boys. There's all the pouring over routes and timetables as well and the trial runs andandand...

So why am I doing this to myself?

Oh, hi. I’m Laurie Coldwell, if you don't know me, I’m about to go into my second and final year at DSL. I love it there. Being a an actor is a dream many people have tried to happyslap out of me during my life and to finally be here, learning the technical skills I need to improve my craft is amazing. I’m even becoming a better person as well (and I really needed to be) and doing all that important stuff you're meant to already know (like, who you are). I am in no doubt that becoming an actor is what I do and I'm on my way to achieving it in the best way possible.

Nevertheless, I need to find £4,300 to continue on my course.

This is the balance I still need to pay the school after taking out a bankrupting Professional Career Development Loan and stumping up money myself for my first year. My family would bend over backwards to help me out if they had the means to do so. I'm not asking you to pay for my lifestyle, this is money for my fees. And I'm not expecting some sort of handout, either. I have been and am working to contribute money to this as well, it's just very unlikely to be enough. Drama school is an expensive thing to subject yourself to and if you've been stupid enough to have gone to university beforehand and decided on a career-change, it's even worse. Most grants provided by charitable trusts are provided on the basis that you haven't already been and the ones that aren't, I haven't been successful in attaining. I don't want to abandon my training halfway through and it would be an insult to the year of training I've just completed, if I did.

Were I to have 100 people donate just £10, I’d meet almost a quarter of my target. If you can spare any more, that’s even better. Even if I don’t meet my target, it makes it more likely for me to be able to scramble funding from elsewhere – I can mention how generous people have been to me so far. And I'm more likely to be able to negotiate with the school and spread payments of any remaining fees over the next year.

NOT ONLY BUT ALSO: I’m providing beastly "perks" for your participation, as well. They're over at the side, look!!!! ---------------->

Just £1 gets you the social recognition you’ve always wanted and needed from me.

£15, a hand-scrawled thank you card of my own blind design.

£50 gets you a cake, made by me, someone who can mek cakes (plz tell me if there are things that mek you puff up, choke or rash-up if you go near them and I’ll do my best to mek sure they don’t get in the cake. I end up rolling in all sorts of material, tho, so I can’t promise owt, babez).

£100 and you get to hire me for two hours of whatever you want, subject to prior agreement.

(yes, I know there's another perk there at the side, but Fundrazr doesn't like testing, so it's there, just ignore it)

It would be nice to think that I could make it to drama school on the little donations of hundreds of brilliant people giving what they can.

Thank you!

Laurie Coldwell

Please be aware that both Fundrazr and Paypal will tek there share of gold between the transaction from you to me.

If you are unable to donate using the submit button at the top right of the page, or can’t use paypal, you can send me a cheque to:

11 Ashford Road
Cricklewood
London
NW2 6TP

You can find out what I've acted in here.

"Laurie, this sounds familiar."

If you're into your schadenfreude and want to hear about the disaster I had funding my first year and the kindness shown to me by DSL in offering me a place year-after-year, you can do here.

And if you have any questions, please email me at laurie.coldwell@gmail.com