Hello, my name is Esha and I am 17 years old. 

I developed trichotillomania, an impulse control disorder that causes one to pull their own hair (previously thought to be a form of OCD), when I was only five years old. Over the years I have suffered from this disorder, I have gone from having eyelashes to having spotty eyelashes or no eyelashes at all, from having hair on the crown of my head to absolutely none at all. The changes I can go through in a matter of days can be quite drastic, or barely noticeable, thanks to different methods of hiding bald patches I've acquired over the years.

The featured image is a photo of my eye from 2011. I recently made a massive breakthrough in my painstakingly slow recovery from this disorder by completely regrowing my eyelashes.

It took me a very long time and a lot of tears, will power and moral suppport to be able to achieve this feat. It may seem like something so small to someone who doesn't understand this disorder, but to me it's huge. I'm no longer the girl people in middle school would go up to and ask, "What happened to your eyelashes?". I no longer have to hide behind heavy layers of eyeliner and try to handle wearing false eyelashes that irritated my sensitive eyes, and I can actually take a shower without having to constantly wipe my face with a washcloth because water would run into my eyes.

But my eyelashes aren't the point. For years, I have struggled with, stressed over, and tried desperately to hide the growing bald spot that still covers most of the crown of my head. This is one place I haven't been able to control, no matter how hard I try. And trust me, I have tried. I've tried medications that other people who suffer from the same disorder swear by, I've tried therapy, I've tried wearing bandanas all of the time (I now resort to hats simply because I'm too worried not to wear one), playing with play dough, putting tape on my fingers, having super long fingernails, sitting on my hands.. This list could go on. This causes me a lot of grief, extreme low self esteem and self worth, and self hatred. These feelings only cause me to want to pull my hair, which in turn, if I do it, and most often I do, causes these feelings to intensify. It's a seemingly endless cycle that I can't escape.

Sadly, not much is actually known about the disorder itself and there is no real 'cure', but you can find most information on trichotillomania here.

Due to trich, I can't go outdoors on a windy day without carrying a hat or wearing a hat, I can't go swimming, I can't go running, I can't go out when it's raining without a hat, and car rides are a living hell for me if the windows are down. I can't even do things normally at home. I can't shower normally, due to the expensive stuff I have to apply on a daily basis to 'paint' my scalp the same color as my hair so it's less noticable when I comb my hair over. I'm limited to what I can and cannot do, because of this disorder.

No, it's not the end of the world, and it's not the worst thing that could possibly happen to anyone, or cause anyone to need a wig. It's just hard. Actually putting this out there for the world to see is embarrassing and scary, but this is something I need to do for myself. I will not post a picture of my worst bald spot.

This fundraiser, if successful, would allow me to get a high quality wig so I  can feel normal and worry free when I go out. I have gone through wigs when I was younger, but they were always cheap (under $60), shiny, hot and itchy things that didn't look like my real head of hair. They just looked like, well, a wig.

A wig of higher quality would allow me to do things that I currently can't even think of doing without fear and stress. I'll be able to enjoy a day out without a hat as a constant companion, brush my 'hair', save myself and my parents tons of money on special hair care products I require to live a normal looking life, and feel better in my own skin. It won't take away this disorder, but it will make it easier to live with.

My family and I can't afford to buy myself a wig of this quality without help, which is why I'm setting up this fundraiser.


Please think about making a donation. It would honestly mean the world to me.

- Esha