Hi, I'm Andy. I'm not usually one to ask for help. More suited to go it alone, make it on my own steam. I had an interesting life in my younger days, I've traveled all over this great country of mine. From the shores of the Pacific ocean on the west coast Vancouver island, and the shores of the Atlantic ocean in Cape Breton, all the way to the vast white north of Hope Bay Nunavut where I was afforded the opportunity to cook steaks for 350 hungry gold miners on the top of the world, were i got to see a whole day last but an instant, and not return for nigh on a month. And everything in between. Things had gone pretty well for me, I settled down, had a wife, a baby girl on the way, house, truck, career, education, and nothing to worry about. Until December 23rd, when we had to worry about everything.
It all started so fast, she was screaming, crying. I was trying to think of anything that would take away her pain until the ambulance arrived, I can still feel her hand squeeze mine when I think about it. The paramedics worked so fast, I knew they wanted to say something comforting to me but the look on their faces said they needed to be as quick as possible and I didn't want to hamper their efforts in any way. I just wanted them to do their jobs as best they could. I never got a chance to thank them for what they did for her, so if by some chance they read this. Thank you, you two were the first to see our situation, and the only ones to ever gear up and hustle to our side with nothing more than a look of desperation to ask you for help. The hospital was a blur of white and blue and pink women and men flowing around us like water. Asking questions that wracked my mind for the most basic information, always with her hand clenching mine until I'm lead away to wait and await the beginning of the end. The doctor tried to put it in very simple terms, I'm not sure if he didn't know how cold he sounded, or if he just didn't know how to tell a man his daughter is dead. I see th e pain in her eyes and feel the distance in her touch.We smile the weakest smiles, say the things we want to hear. Bury the emotions, and start the machine of separation.
It's December 29, we go in for an exam, afterward the doctor sits us down and begins telling us about the cancerous growth found on her cervix. An implosion of anxiety erupts into a cavernous hole in my chest. The volume of thoughts going through my mind was like a torrent of misery invading every facet of my being. Just one thought was clear enough to hold on to, if I ever had any sort of strength inside of me, I needed it more then ever, she needed it more then ever. We made plans, thought we had everything figured out. We made sacrifices, changed jobs, less pay less hours, anything to make sure everything was taken care of. Until the bills started getting to high for the amount of money coming in. So went the truck, the house started renting an apartment close to the hospital. Smiles and I love yous filling the air. Muffled crying whenever we find the chance, trying so hard to keep looking ahead, because looking back now is just far too difficult to bear. Her final operation goes off without a hitch. Two days later my wife is cancer free. The weight is finally lifted, we're going to be okay. That day my smile was the most genuine smile you've ever seen. That was the last time I really smiled.
The next morning I woke up to get ready for work, and getting out of bed the universe collapsed on my body. I couldn't see, couldn't think, couldn't hear, everything I felt was pain, everything else just spun. All of my senses betrayed me, the entire world changed. For three months, test after test. Biopsy after biopsy. Medication after medication the final diagnosis is fibromyalgia. This comes from only a few of my symptoms, after going to several doctors and specialists, the general idea is that my brain and nervous system don't speak the same language anymore. My nerves say that's itchy, my brain hears fire, or stabbed with glass. The pain itself is real but the stimulus that causes it isn't. For years we tried to make everything work. I could no longer work, and my wife didn't make very much, my benefits soon went dry, and at the end, I cashed in my retirement savings to make sure all the bills were paid up for the next few months. Then the infection hit.
It was June sometime, not exactly sure. I had a pain in my jaw not like the pain I usually feel. By the next morning it looked as if I had a golf ball under my chin, by that evening it was a grapefruit. I go to emergency and they take me right away, I'm having really bad breathing issues. I'm in the hospital for a week on a stretcher, because they tell me everyday I'm going home tomorrow, and every day they tell me just one more day. My body seizes, convulses from the pain. They send me home with oral antibiotics. I call my wife to come and get me, but her phone is off. I catch the bus home and when I get there it's empty. All except my things, well the things she knew I would want, she took some of her favourite shirts of mine, I know why. I spoke to her one last time. I understand why she had to leave, it was so much to handle, and I thank her in my heart everyday for being there for as long as she was but she got a second chance at life and it's unfair for me to ask her to use it on me. I was dying, alone, in more pain than anyone deserves and the antibiotics weren't working, I was so close to being finished with this life, to have all the pain stop, then someone woke me up. I was being asked what I needed from my apartment because In was leaving for a long time, I was so out of sorts with fever I couldn't grasp the nature of the situation. And blacked out, I came in and out at random times during the ordeal, always in a world of chaos and frantic orders. Being set with multiple IVS injected with needle after needle, blood drawn into so many small vials, ambulance and ambulance drivers. The looks on the surgeons face and the speed at which he needed me in surgery. I remember the doctors trying to stick hoses down my throat while I was awake, getting one last shot and falling asleep. I woke up Two days later with three tubes coming from my neck, a tube sticking out of my chest where my heart is, and two tubes coming from my back, one on each side. They were all vacuuming fluid from my body. My entire torso and neck had filled and swollen with fluid. When I arrived at the hospital two days earlier i was minutes from death. My heart was surrounded and compressed with fluid as were the rest of my vital organs. Breathing was and still is, very difficult. For nearly a month I was drained and finally got well enough to leave the hospital. I have nothing left to fall back on, my heart and lungs and nerves still cause me great pain. Finding employment is proving unlikely, and what I receive from the government is not nearly enough to pay for everything I need. I'm trying some things online to establish some income, but I only have my phone, and many opportunities require a personal computer or laptop to continue with. That is where I am now, many ideas, and a desire to better my situation. The funds donated will not only be used to better my quality of life, but allow me the means to earn for myself a better life Hopefully with the funds raised here will allow me to expand my horizons pertaining to online work, I've also thought about starting an online business, but alas I do not have the right equipment or funds or knowhow for such an endeavor. With the funds I raise I will have access to many more opportunities for supporting myself with an online basis for that is a path I believe will lead me to happiness once again, for I can work at a pace that is comfortable for me, and I have access to my medical equipment and medications, and it will allow me to once again be social, even if it is only a web presence. I would enroll in an online school and learn to build and run a successful online business. All of this will take time, but luckily that is one thing I have in ample supply, and focus, which is something I also have, but not like I used to, with all my troubles focusing on anything is a trial, but with some support from generous people like you, I could finally breath easier, and not worry so much about money, or lack there of, and what sacrifice I'm going to make next. I could actually get my life back on track. I'm confident that the future will be a bright one, with faith and a lot of help from any who can give it. So I'm askimg anyone out there that has the means to help me please. My financial needs are dire and I'm askig for anything you think is appropriate, everything these days counts. Thank you for your time, and whether you donate or not Thank you again. For a quick donation I accept e-transfer to brassmonkey37@gmail.com also PayPal donations can be sent directly to: paypal.me/brassmonkey37 or at PayPal.com (brassmonkey37@gmail.com) Thank you for your time. God bless. I hope to have good news for all my backers soon. If you would like to know anything else, please don't hesitate to ask at andrewmueller3737@gmail.com Have a beautiful day. And best of luck to you, in all you do.