I am 19 years old and I was expecting my first baby until my world was turned upside down at my twelve week scan. At my twelve scan fro the minute the sonographer looked at the screen I knew something was wrong. Before they had said anything to me I went completely numb. The scan went on but was silent and the silence in the room killed me inside. They then handed me the scan pictures of my baby and told me a specialist would be to see me soon. At this point I was taken into a side room so i was away from all the other people and had a little space to think. The specialist came into see me and said your baby has hydrops, there is water around the baby's skin and that my baby had to club hands and possibly a club foot. My baby was also only between 10 1/2 weeks to 11 weeks however i was 12 weeks so this was another concern. i asked them what this meant for my baby's future and she looked at me an said its uncertain at this point but the problem is the fluid will surround the baby's organs and that this is probably down to a chromosome abnormality. Before I left they took a blood test from me to see if they could find the cause and was booked in to see the fetal medicine specialist. Three days later I went back for my appointment with the fetal medicine specialist, where they could tell i was on edge and anxious. They told me they was going to do another scan, this scan revealed the worse the hydrops had got alot worse and baby was very swollen. There was also a new finding from this scan, which reveled baby also had cystic hygroma on the back of her head. Once again i was taken into a side room and explained what this meant. They explained that baby now had serve hydrops and the cystic hygroma was causing the fluid to collect around the baby. They also reveled that the cystic hygroma had formed because of a chromosome abnormality. I asked them whether baby had much hope of survival and they said I'm sorry but I really don't think the baby will make it much further and they offered to interrupt the pregnancy. This made me sick and I couldn't accept the termination, despite everything I had heard I still had my hope for my little fighter and I thought to myself if God needs her she will go when she is ready. With an uncertain future ahead I wanted to spend the most time with my little fighter.

I left the hospital speechless and they said they would contact me for another scan to check baby's progress. I went back on Monday 25th Spetember 2017, I was 15 weeks and 4 days at this point and before I had even got to the hospital I was so anxious and numb and full of fear of what was I was going to see on the scan screen. The scan reveled that my baby had lost her heart beat and that God needed her. I just broke down, felt sick to the bone and empty.

The specialist was there and she lead me out of the scan room and into a side room. She sate me down and gave me her condolences for what had happened. I simply asked her where we go from hear. She said we have to give you this tablet which will help to bring on labour and you go home wait for it take affect normally around 24-48 hours and then you will come back Wednesday at 8:30 am where you will be given another tablet 3 hourly until the baby is delivered. I was simply to numb to stay there any longer and seeing other pregnant women made it harder, so I toke the tablet and left.

I was dreading for Wednesday to come because i knew i would meet my baby but for such a brief-time and that i will never see her grow up.

Wednesday 27th arrived and baby was delivered at 5pm weighing just 15 grams because of her chromosome abnormality and hydrops reduced her growth in the womb. although tiny she was beautiful and had every detail you would expect. She was given the name Logen-lei and was born ready to fly.

Now i'm asking for your generosity here, she needs a funeral and being so young i just cant cover the cost myself. I want Logen-Lei to have a burial so that i have a place I can go to and be with her and talk to her and I want her to have the best possible send off. Every penny I relieve is going towards her funeral and if there is any left over i will donate to the SANDS charity which have supported my every step of my horrific journey. I really appreciate any contributions given and thank you for taking the time to read my story.

I am from Ramsgate in Kent however for some reason will not allow me to change the location.