Hello, my name is Bianca, and I am in pain, every day. I can't remember a time when I did not have some kind of pain, and the burden of constant pain, has ground me down to a pulp. 

But let me go back to the start. I'm a 37 year old mother of 3, and wife of 16 years. I'm hoping to raise funds to pay for bariatric surgery that I hope will help alleviate some of my pain. 

At the start of 2016, we took our savings and moved thousands of miles for a better opportunity for our children. We were especially motivated by our autistic sons, who were floundering in the programs and with the teachers where we lived. With our daughter approaching school age, we wanted to live someplace safe, that had a great program for our boys engaging with neurotypical children, making friends,  as well as a great school for our daughter. This was the best decision we made, as we love Austin, but our arrival was marked with setbacks that only got worse. My husband took a chance to find another corporate job with benefits, but that didn't happen, though he was grateful to find any work in his field at all. He has been a true MVP, providing for his family and weathering the "in sickness" part of our vows. 

Shortly after arrival, what had been chronic pain of varying degrees became debilitating pain. I was exhausted, I could not do any of the more physically demanding things I had done before, back when I was chasing toddlers, and I couldn't even cook, a favorite hobby of mine. 

Despite the stigma with invisible illness, after a long, frustrating struggle, I was able to get an answer to the question of why I was in pain, and that was due to Fibromyalgia. I have other sensitive medical conditions as well, (Asthma, diabetes, and hypertension, to name a few,) so it was a blow to add yet another diagnosis, and another expense as my monthly prescription count mounted to eleven.  Not long after the diagnosis we lost medicaid, and could not maintain the expense of the Marketplace options for the two adults.

While I had learned to cope with pain all over my body, it was the stomach pain from bouts of gastritis that especially bothered me. Because of my long standing stomach sensitivities, I could not eat much without fear of burning misery. I have always had an unhealthy relationship with food, an issue I have been unpacking in earnest for about 4 years now. But to have food be the easiest vehicle to nourish  and help my body, while also being an harbinger of pain, exacerbated my feelings about food, and cooking for my family, when I was well enough. 

The experience of being relatively young, while feeling like someone more than twice my age, has also been difficult for me. I love being a mother, and I love my children even more. I have had many goals in my life, but having children was always at the top of that list. I am still amazed that I have the enormous privilege of raising three.

But now, thanks to my pain, I cannot do half as many things as I could do before. Walking, standing for long periods, even gentle exercises I enjoy like swimming and yoga, all are difficult and I tire easily. I seldom have the energy to attend school events. I cannot chaperone, as I worry that the activity will involve things healthy people take for granted, such as walking through a farm, or museum. Even the task of picking them up is something I can only do on good days. 

My children have been amazing despite having a dad who is often home late working hard to support us, and a mom who has to do a lot of mothering from a sitting or prone position. But sometimes they comment on missing the things we could do before. And that breaks my heart. 

This is where surgery comes in. 

I hope to get bariatric surgery to help relieve some of my pain. There are some studies that suggest it can help with Fibromyalgia, losing weight puts less strain on my joints and small frame, (I am only 4'11) which in turn makes it easier to do exercise and break out of the vicious cycle of being in too much pain to do the exercise that helps with pain.

As an added bonus, the particular procedure I want, RNY, greatly helps with reflux symptoms and related inflammation, as a new pouch is formed and the stomach is bypassed during digestion. I have joked about wanting a new stomach for years, but in the past year especially, I haven't been joking.

I have been hoping I could find a solution. After months of research, I settled on what I wanted, but the cost is more than prohibitive for us, as we only have one income.  Currently, every plan in the marketplace does not cover bariatric surgery, even if we could afford the premium. 

This is where I hope you can come in. I have been in contact with a surgeon who can offer this procedure at a fair price in a great facility, about 2 hours from my home. But we cannot pay for all of the cost, and hope generous people will be able to help us achieve our goal. Any amount, even $5, will take me one step closer to an opportunity to improve my quality of life, and be in less pain. I'm a goofball at heart, it is not my nature to be sullen, yet even my capricious nature crumbles in the face of year after year of pain and limited abilities. I want to be silly again, more often. Laughter is good for the soul, after all. 

I am hoping to have the surgery in March, or early April, so I am recovered in time for the summer break for my children. I'm their only caretaker during the summer months, and I would like to make their summers more active this year, because I will be on the path to feeling better than I had before.

Even if you cannot donate, I thank you for taking the time to read my novel. If you can, please share, share, share, in the hopes that the kindness of strangers who see this will help fulfill my chance. 

I wish you well,

Bianca