My Mom hasn't been feeling well for quite some time. She has always been so afraid of doctors. I honestly can't remember her seeing any type of medical professional since my sister was born 21 years ago. My family and I have been trying to get her to the doctor for months because we have noticed a dramatic change in her weight, appetite, attitude, etcetera. Mom just hasn't been "Mom". I love her so much--we all do. She's always been so wonderful to my sister, and Dad, and myself---everyone. In 2009 my husband and I lost two of our triplet boys and she was always there for me to talk to, to vent, to just listen. (To fill any curiosity the middle triplet did survive and is a healthy little boy. First 6 months of his life was spent in the hospital, but you would never know.) such a good Grandmother she is to our little boy and little girl. She's a rock, and now she needs us more than ever. Friday, December 13th she couldn't handle the discomfort anymore and asked my younger sister to take her to the ER. The family was ecstatic about her finally getting to a doctor, and she was willing!! Little did we know that this visit would change EVERYTHING!! My Dad texted me that my sister had taken Mom and that they were just waiting to hear anything. My husband, children, and I live close to three hours away. A large mass in her kidney, and spots on her lung. We didn't expect wonderful news because of the length of time since her last visit, but we didn't expect this. Who EXPECTS cancer. None of us were ready for this. The travel alone costs a pretty penny. Keeping up with regular routine has become difficult but is necessary. On Saturday December 16th the "WOW!" got even bigger we. They did a scan of her brain. The tumors have made their way there as well---in three spots. So now they they have found them in the kidney, lungs, bone, and brain. All kinds of specialists are working as a team to try to figure out a plan. The plan is to try to get a biopsy to try to find the origin of the cancer and to make an aggressive plan of action. Once the type of cancer is known the plan of treatment can be more specific. The biopsy is planned for Monday December 16th. Fingers crossed.

On Monday December 16th they tried to get a biopsy to pin point where the cancer originated and what type of cancer it was. The kidney doctor didn't want to pull from the kidney in fear that she would bleed too much and they wouldn't be able to control the bleeding.  They opted not to take tissue from the lung because they were afraid they would collapse a lung during the procedure.  Since her lungs are already so fragile because of the disease they decided not to remove tissue from there.  The only other spot that was an option to the doctors was from the tumor in her neck. Taking a closer look that also was not an option.  The tumor in her neck is so severe and in such a critical spot that they are afraid that with one small movement they could cause her to be paralyzed.  To put the "neck tumor" into perspective, it is so serious that it has actually caused so much deterioration that her head is only "connected" to her neck by muscle.  A special neck brace has been ordered for my Mom to wear 24 hours a day. One wrong way of movement could cause paralysis or even be fatal.  We all expected that something was wrong when she finally made the decision to go to the hospital but nobody expected all of this.  My father has consulted Fox Chase Cancer Center at Atlanticare.  Some of the top cancer doctors have reviewed her charts and the conclussion has come to EVERYTHING that we don't want to hear.  We all understand, and Mom is coherent enough to understand still.....but there is nothing the doctors can do.  The most critical tumor at this point is the one on her spine and it is so severe that if surgery were performed she could be lost within 2 minutes, right on the table.  To me that would be more devestating that anything.  My family and I have all talked this over with the doctors and my Mommy and we all agree to do what she wants and to make her as comfortable as possible.  This is ultimately her life and we want nothing but to grant all of her wishes.  Today is December 18th as I finish this up and she will go her first of a series of radiation which will be directed to the tumor on her neck.  The plan is to try to shrink and stabalize the tumor enough to make it safe for her to be transported back to her home.  She will receive 5 to 10 treatments from now until Christmas time and hope to be home right around then.  My husband and I (and our children at times) have been traveling back and forth from Pennsylvania to be with my Mom and the rest of our family.  We have such a great support network but none of us are prepared for the inevitable.  Mom is only 55.  She should be living forever........at least that's what we all hope...especially as small children.  We always think everyone should live forever.  I could be 90 and she would still be my Mommy.  She will always be my Mommy even when she is gone.  Once she makes it home Hospice will come in and help us with care.  My sister whom still lives at home will help when my Dad is at work and my husband and I will continue to come down as our finances let us.  In September my husband was in an automobile accident (struck by a "texter") and we are dealing with all the complications of that as well.  Things are tough for everyone, and this just seems to be the icing on the cake.  Very sour icing!!! I am reaching out for help for travel so that I can continue to keep things rolling and be able to get down here as much as possible (in between working full time still).  I am also reaching out for help with funding for any expenses that my father might have for my mother when she comes home.....where she wants to be.  Her wish is to make her journey to heaven while she is in  the comfort of her own home surrounded by her family and I want to make sure that we all do everything possible to make this happen and for her to be NOTHING but comfortable.  My final request is for help with the inevitable.  My mother does not want a funeral.  She has requested to be cremated and have some of her ashes spread along the 59th street beach in Ocean City, NJ where we have spent so much time...just playing in the sand.  Expenses will creep up with travel, and medical not covered my insurance, and cremation costs.  I want to try to help lessen the load as much as I can.  I want nothing for her to be comfortable.......Part of me knows this is happening, part of me thinks this is just a bad dream, and part of me will never believe that it's happening......... It's not fair.  Things will not be the same when she is gone and we will all need a lot of support.  I think I find comfort in knowing that the pain will be gone and she gets to see my little Angel babies.  Her spirit will live on through her children and grand children.......... anything will help...... ......lessen the load......