I have had to endure a lifetime of trauma and abuse lived in fear and horror. I was dealt a pretty bad hand in life, born in a third world country. I truly don’t belong here and nothing about the culture I was born in is normal or resonates with me at all or is part of my identity. I spent my whole life trapped in an objectively horrible place, where I had an identity and life forced on me that do not reflect me at all. I never had any of my needs met. I don’t share any values, worldviews, or cultural references with people here, and growing up here was traumatising and I was kept away from normal life, society, and everything that’s normal and home to me. And grew up painfully aware of everything I was missing out on. People here have no concept of quality of life, or hobbies, and there is no life for me here whatsoever. This place is so unpleasant and inhospitable and it disturbs me to my core. On top of that, my adoptive parents (I was abandoned as a newborn, my biological mother’s identity is unknown and the hospital helped cover it up for her so I wouldn’t find her) were especially abusive (childhood abuse is the norm here, but probably even for their standards). I have been a victim of narcissistic abuse. Shouted at, criticised, punished, micromanaged, gaslit, manipulated, and invalidated all my life. On top of the cruel and harsh circumstances and surroundings that I could never get used to or see it as my own or normal. And because I depend on them financially I am still forced to live with them, although anywhere here in this country having to interact with this society and be surrounded by it would be equally as disturbing. I could never do anything, explore any interests or have a life that felt like my own or even a life at all. Everything in my surroundings disturbs me on top of the expectation to be someone that is the opposite of what I am. I could never behave or act as myself, hold any opinion, have any feelings, any needs that were inconvenient to the people around me. People here are so cut off from normal life and life outside of their world. They think a good and decent life is superfluous. I am being traumatised by everything I have ever seen and experienced. A life spent in isolation and in a continent that is more like a prison and the definition of my personal hell. It feels like I am trapped inside a nightmare. It always has. I was expected to sacrifice who I am and my very identity for the sake of the status quo. I knew that one day I would have to escape one way or the other because there is no life for me here. I “went along” for as long as I could, because I was literally forced to with school, and then forced to attend and enroll in university multiple times, never completed a term, look for work, just leaving the house and coming into seeing the horrible dystopia around me was traumatic, and so were the classes, I also can’t stand their language, before I had to retreat, not only because I didn’t want to carry on living this fake and soul sucking life, but to save me from death, as I was on the brink of insanity and hurting myself, I need to retreat and be in my own energy, and focus on what is normal to me. All my life and everything I am, I had to raise myself, teach myself, and observe the world and life and learn through a computer screen, because the experiences and life around me were too disturbing and not for me at all. I simply cannot heal or get a semblance of quality of life here because that doesn’t exist here. Just being here disturbs me. Just seeing this country's flag displayed on this page triggers me as well as seeing its name or anything related to it. I need safety and a home. I was set up to fail and no one ever cared about my wellbeing or needs.

I am surrounded by misery, squalor, and ignorance, although it’s important to note that even if I had completed my local undergrad studies (education sucks here), if I were from here I could have a good life according to their terms and standards. There is no place in this country or neighbourhood that I would be happy to live in, even if I was rich, as is life in this culture and with these people that I am incompatible with. This is not my world.

I have no rights and have nowhere to turn to. No access to any institutional support or local resources, and of course the country is the problem in the first place. I have spent my whole life up until a few years ago attending therapy and seeing psychiatrists and I have been prescribed every depression and anxiety medication there is, they could never understand me, I spent my whole life explaining myself to people who could never understand me and who refused to see me for who I am and acknowledge me as a person and my needs. Because they only saw things through their cultural lens. Living under the weight and expectation of what others deemed normal, and not being able to write my own story. I am not the problem. I am forced to live in a hostile and unsafe environment. My most basic needs for safety and security and love and belonging were never met and I witnessed so much misery and poverty everywhere around me that has kept me in a state of fear, shock, horror, and disbelief all my life.

It took me a while to heal from the damage of the years of being invalidated and gaslit, including by the dozens of therapists I was forced to see. No matter who I talk to here, and explain I've been psychologically abused by my parents, they always take their side and say I should be grateful and have nothing to complain about, and that I need help, but not in a nice way, they just think the way I think is wrong. That I should be grateful I don't technically live in a slum, and that I was adopted, that I am educated (when everything I know I had to teach myself), that I am not starving. And, like, I have nothing. I don't have a life, I have none of my needs met, but I am expected to give up who I am and live for other people I don't even like, because the little that I have is apparently too much. That I should just accept this and stop complaining. They think they own me, and that I shouldn't have a choice as to who I am. I need to leave.

Recently I have had what I experience being aptly described as “the dichotomy between how you feel within your own being and what you know to be your truth spiritually, versus what the world shows you and how the world treats you". And described as an ugly duckling type of situation as well.

I suffer from severe OCD, CPTSD, anxiety, intrusive thoughts. It is debilitating and consumes almost every moment and has left me unable to function. I cannot heal surrounded by what makes me sicker. I am still in the trenches.

It takes all of me just to survive and stay alive. I am a Highly Sensitive Person as well.

I just want to be able to move to a place I can call home and build my own life, lived on my terms, that is kind and safe to my nervous system and soul.

I need to be out of this environment so I can breathe and feel safe for the first time in my life. I have a wonderful partner waiting for me in Australia, where I intend to settle for life and marry him. We have been together since August 2024 and he is the only reason why I keep going, he made me feel love and loved for the first time, he makes me want to not give up on myself. I have been fortunate enough to have made a friend in a country where I can stay as a vistor without the need of a visa for a few months, it would be a much needed lifeline, and at least a temporary respite until I can move and settle with my partner, we are required to have met in person for my prospective marriage visa. Your donation could help me with that or if I raise enough, for us to meet in person in a safe country, and to pay for visa costs. Having these few months, where I will be able to not live life in fight or flight or freeze and feel safe and have space to heal and be surrounded by harmonious relationships and people more compatible with my temperament and being will be a literal life saver. I find myself completely unable to operate and function under the current conditions and circumstances. As my wellbeing and mental health grows increasingly more unstable and fragile with each passing day and just existing and being conscious feels rough and is a battle to even remain alive and conscious as I live in constant dread and fear.

Funds raised will go towards airfare (also for my partner to meet me in person for the first time in the country I will be visiting temporarily), toiletries, food, transportation, new prescription glasses (eyes hurting and I think my prescription was around -4.00 last time, quite a few years ago now, in addition to untreated astigmatism). I basically have no clothes and the few items I have aren’t suitable.

I have no support system and safety net.

So a lot will go towards visa, legal costs, and airfare.

I am building my life from scratch. I will need any help I can get.

Thank you so much for just reading through all of that. Donations of any amount are immensely appreciated, please share the campaign if you feel called to.

I never had a life. A childhood, young adulthood. I was denied that right. I just want to live a dignified life where I have my needs met and feel safe. Presently, I am a forced to "live" in a traumatic, disturbing, and abusive environment where I can't be myself and where there is nothing for me. A reality where my being and needs are invalidated and I am surrounded by evil in a place I don't belong. In my literal personal hell surrounded by the culture (third world), people, situations, energies that have traumatised and abused me since birth. A lifelong of trauma and abuse. This has always felt like an ugly charade and cruel experiment, I don't see myself in anyone or anything around me. I am so disturbed and in constant fight or flight because this environment and reality simply aren't safe. I am expected to be someone I am not. I am surrounded by everything I hate and disturbs and disgusts me to my core. I never had safety or a home. What I have experienced throughout my whole life has been trauma, abuse, torture, and torment. And I will only be able to breathe and recover when I am somewhere safe and can build my own life. I can't heal surrounded by what makes me sick and traumatised me. It truly is that bad, I am forced to live under inhumane conditions that don't match who I am or allow me to live a full life, how I can't even interact with this people and environment and be present because I can't live this fake life and being forced to live under a fake identity, constant invalidation, not having any of my needs met, access to any of the stimuli I needed, no one can understand me and how this is bad and how I was wronged here and have nowhere to turn. I can't breathe. I just want freedom, dignity, a home, quality of life. Where I am forced to "live" I can't be myself. It's squalid, unpleasant, morally corrupt, ignorant, disgusting, and disturbing. My brilliant long distance partner is the only reason why I am still alive. I had already given up on this world that has treated me so harshly, I just wanted to feel seen and heard for the first time by someone and didn't think I would ever get in a relationship or there was any hope for me. But then we fell in love, I had never felt or experienced all the beautiful feelings he made me feel or any connection with someone before. He saved me. I am still forced to face the horrors of my circumstances and this reality every day. It's too much. He is the only reason I have any strength. He was the first miracle I have ever experienced and I am sure nothing will ever top that, I believe I deserve another one that will allow me to move home to him.

I need my life to start. This place has already taken so much away from me and seriously damaged my physical health (sensory nerve damage), which has taken a lot away from me. I hope the damage to my body is reversible, because otherwise I won't be able to live a normal life. I have no quality of life. I can't heal in the place that makes me seek. I have sought medical treatment, but I have experienced medical negligence, and treatment that is ineffective and inadequate and just not being taken seriously or heard. So money would go towards that as well.