Your share could raise $30
Before you go, did you know that simply by sharing this campaign, you could help it raise $30? It's an effective way to support the cause.
No thanks- Pin it
- SubscribeUnsubscribe
- Embed
- Report
First Hour Grief Response, Inc. hasn't added a story.
First Hour Grief Response exists to help survivors navigate the fog and despair of a sudden and unexpected death by providing comprehensive and caring grief recovery assistance for free.
Cristi and Laymon are walking across Kentucky to raise money to support this cause, while raising awareness about suicide prevention.
Cristi's Story...
On September 21, 2014, my husband, Darren, took his own life. He was kind, compassionate, sensitive, and sympathetic. If you were in pain, he felt your pain right alongside of you. He never met a stranger and loved the outdoors. He was intelligent, cultured, creative, and shared a passion for music. An artist by degree and in water treatment by trade. His artistic abilities were expressed in paintings, writings, drawings, figurines, musical instruments, and furniture.
Darren was strong in his spiritual faith and a devoted family man. On the surface, a person many would strive to be, but for him, it was internally a lifelong struggle of despair. Suffering since adolescence with depression and diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder in his thirties, Darren would experience mostly episodes of feeling low. At certain points in his life he would succumb to the depression and self-medicate through the use of alcohol. Other times he would forge right through, becoming a master at masking the torture that was hidden within.
When my husband died it wasn’t simply experiencing the death of a spouse, it was a traumatic tragedy that devastated our family, our friends, our home and brought about emotional turmoil for my teenage son. The impact on our daily lives was far heavier than one can humanly comprehend.
I pray that anyone who is hurting can find some solace in knowing there are compassionate individuals who do know the trials you have dealt. I found some of my greatest comfort and strength in connecting with others who had been where I was going (or about to go), gave me strength for the battle that was ahead.
The loss of a loved one in a tragedy is a crippling and debilitating experience. Your energy feels depleted just to do minimal everyday tasks. Often times it’s difficult to connect with others who understand your plight— but if you are fortunate enough to connect to these people, then find the energy to seek their wisdom and lean on them when needed.
My first association came when my church, united me with another wife, Karen Buchanan, who had lost her husband three years prior. She immediately invited me to her home where she disclosed her heart-wrenching ordeal. She was sympathetic and candid about her personal journey from the days leading up to and after her husband’s suicide. She held nothing back. I could still see the heartbreak in her face but her manner was steadfast and strong. When Karen asked me to talk about my story, I was horrified. I hadn’t really spoke about it. As a matter of fact, I really wasn’t speaking to anyone about anything. It had only been a week and I was still in shock. I couldn’t even decipher one feeling from the other at that moment and yet I did feel as though all I wanted to do was talk about it. After I was finished, we discussed future self expectations because I knew I was forever changed. Upon my leaving her home I felt a sense of relief within me, which I now know is why she had me communicate my story out loud. A much needed relinquishing of pain. Not the cure all, but a strong start toward processing my grief.
Karen Buchanan and Lisa Schardein now have a non-profit called First Hour Grief Response, Inc. that helps people navigate the sudden loss of a loved one. Please support this much-needed community service by donating so they can continue to help others like me.
Laymon’s Story…
My story is not unique. Unfortunately, my story is all too similar to those many others experience. My world was turned upside down on an early morning in late September 2014. “Knock. Knock. Knock.” I heard from my locked bedroom door. Immediately I hear my mother’s plea to God for help in a tone I’ve never heard so determined in emotion. I then hear a police officer ask, “Laymon Durbin, can we speak to you please? Its about your step father.”
Visions of a drunken accident behind the wheel begin to fill my head due to my knowledge of his struggle with alcohol addiction. After opening the bedroom door, I see multiple police officers giving aide and asking my mother questions as she holds a Bible as if it is her one chance to turn back time and right a hellish wrong. At this moment I knew. My step father, who not only was obviously close with my mother, but was one of— if not the closest— most unique relationships I’ve ever experienced in my life… and now it was over.
I knew he had tried committing suicide two or three times prior to knowing me, (under the basis of mental instability) but I figured everything was at least fine to the point where he could live a life of mental stability and mental peace.
Let me reiterate, Darren wasn’t just my step dad. He was a blessing from God who really influenced my life in a positive manor. When the officers stopped to tell me the news that already violently shattered my mother’s heart, my brain buffered the news silently as I stared at the wall for a continuous 30 seconds or so. I recalled immediately hearing the noise as he kicked out whatever it was that he used to stand on before he hung himself. Was it my fault? Could I have stopped him? What if I had not been lazy and just ran downstairs to check on him in the garage where he so often tinkered with small and large objects for personal pleasure? These were the questions rushing through my brain. BUT, let me make this clear, I immediately and intensely seared into my brain that EVEN IF I got out of bed, it could have made no difference and his neck could have broken from the force of the fall. He could have died in my arms or I could have been tortured with the image of him struggling as I fail to get the rope unattached from the ceiling. Point is, God doesn’t MAKE things happen. He ALLOWS them to. What is meant to be, is meant to be, so no matter how much we try to prevent or stop something, it will eventually find a way to fulfill destiny.
God blessed me with a smart brain and part of the responsibility that comes with that is to use it in a responsible and adult manor. The conclusion I made was with God’s help. If you can understand, God puts us in situations to build and test our faith with real world consequences that we may feel we don’t deserve, but they always end up positive in our walk with God and our character development through life.. ONLY IF we have the adult mental capacity as survivors to suicide to accept the reality of the situation, get a grasp on the current situation and realize truly what it is you’ll need to cope.
As a survivor to a suicide performed by the last person I would have traded God for anything, I learned I have the power to let others know the exact thing God seared into me the moment I realized I AM A SURVIVOR. That thing I realized that I wish to spread is to say this is all a plan. Whatever you’re feeling as a survivor is something most people who experience death will never know. It’s a pain you can only blame the person who is deceased for, and it is a pain that can make you numb to other, “lesser,” pains. But with God’s help, and a little self / personal motivation, you too can realize that this life lesson can be a bigger blessing than the person you were blessed with.
My name is Laymon Durbin and this is my story.
Highlights
See all activity4Updates
Activity
Delete media item?
Delete this item from the media gallery? It will also be deleted from any related story update.
Set as ?
The campaign video will appear in social media and email.
The campaign cover picture will appear in social media and email.
The will appear at the top of your campaign page and in social media and email.
Reset ?
It will be removed from the top of your campaign and won't be used as default in social media and email. The will remain in the media gallery.
Embed
Share a link
Delete update
Delete this story update?
Any pictures or videos will remain in the campaign's media gallery.
Report campaign
Report submitted
Thank you. We take reports like yours very seriously. Our goal is to keep the community safe.
Please know that we may contact you for more information, but that we won't notify you personally of our decision. If the campaign remains available within a few days, it's likely that we determined it not to be in violation of our policies.
Thank you. We've already received your previous report. If the campaign remains available within a few days, it's likely that we determined it not to be in violation of our policies.
Tell us about the problem. Please fill in both fields below.
Record a video
Upload a video
Nothing grabs attention for your cause like a personal video. Take a minute or two to record one now. Record a short video message of support. Or upload one from your device. You can preview or redo your video before you post it.
Nothing grabs attention for your cause like a personal video. Upload a short video message of support. Upload a short video message of support. Or record one right now.
- Most effective video length: about a minute.
- Maximum length: 5 min.
- You can preview or redo your video before you post it.
Heads up! The existing video will be replaced.
Email your friends
Join our team
Tell people why our cause matters to you. Your personal message will encourage others to help. Easy, effective, optional.
Say it in video
Short personal videos by supporters like you are incredibly powerful. Record one right now and you'll help us raise more money. Easy, optional, effective.
Add a personal goal
Set a personal fundraising goal. You'll encourage more contributions if you do. And rest easy. There's no obligation to achieve your goal or bad consequences if you don't. Easy, optional, effective.
We have a video!
Video thumbnail
We'd love to show you our campaign video. Want to take a look?
, you're already on the team.