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What is the price tag on my life...?
150 raised
8% of €2k goal
2 contributors
3 Years running

Dear reader, thank you for taking time to listen to my story...

I am Jane, single mom of three wonderful children (20, 16 and 11 y.o). And this is my story:

I grew up in a small coastal village in a loving family and I'm so grateful for all I've experienced and learned throughout my childhood and youth. My father died of stomach cancer when I was 16. He was and still is my guardian angel :) Life was shaky for a while but we stayed strong and survived. I finished college and got married, children were born and life was secure and happy.

Unnoticeably tough, my husband grew jealous over the years... It all eased in so subtly over the course of years, eventually he ended up being extremely jealous over everything (yes, logic says there must've been some kind of a reason for it: and as I later found out, there was: he at some point was cheating and grew to suspect the same of me). He did not allow me to have friends "behind his back", so of course I lost majority of my friends.. Only his or mutual friends were allowed.
Until he grew violent. That was the point I left him and returned to my dear home, where I grew up. My mom was retired by then and happily helped with kids. I had a great job and all was golden.

And then it all started: on one december evening, just before Christmas, our whole family visited neighbours and after approximately an hour, when we started to head back home- we saw our house on fire.. We lost everything we had. Only things we had were the clothes we wore at the moment, our family car (was parked a little further from the house, because of the heavy snowfall) and a pile of debris. It was a log cabinet type of old house and it burned down so quickly, nothing was to be saved.
Luckily we got some primary help from the neighbours and the community of the village...
But we were homeless, in the Nordic winter- it was no fun.

This is a photo of what was left of our home after cleaning up, taken on next spring, it has a watermark of a real estate company on it when the property was sold by the bank.
I have no digital photos of my own of the house remains. I have one old photo of the house from the time I was young though.. I have to find a way to scan it to show... 

It all happened at the same time as the economic crisis collapsed on our country, many people lost their jobs and eventually homes to the banks, because they couldn't pay their bills... Everyone just tried to survive themselves, there were not much to do. But against all odds, our family survived all this madness.. Luckily I had my job, eventually rented a small apartment and life went on.

Until my mom's health got worse and worse, she had a stroke and half of her body got paralyzed, she lost 87% of her eyesight and needed constant help. All my finances were so counted for to try to stay on the surface... But all began to spiral towards the bottom, slowly but steadily. I had taken a loan to fix the roof and isolation of our house, after the fire the loan no longer had backing and due to the economic crisis, banks were not leaning over backwards to make any settlements, so the property was sold to cover some of the loan.
We had to move further away from the capital city where I was working, because the rent prizes were much cheaper there.. Almost two years I drove 178 km just to get to work, until the long commute and all over tiredness got me. I just did not have the power to cope with everything. And then my dear mom passed away. All the pressure just collapsed on me and the result was my own breakdown. I just fell apart.
And like a predator, waiting for the pray to weaken: my ex husband jumped in and tried to take the children away from me. If I now look back at the whole situation, I am amazed I survived all this and maintained my sanity... And my dear children are still with me, too.

Can you imagine all the life lessons and personal development these kind of hardships will be bringing to a person... I have a feeling like I've lived 3 lifetimes within this life.

I have really tried and tried to get back on the feet again and this whole bundle of experiences has got me thinking just that: what is the price tag of my life? What is my life even worth? Can it be measured in wealth/money?
Yes, sadly, for me this is the case..

Right now, we live in a empty house of a friend- she moved to Finland with her family and the house is on sale.. we can live here until someone buys it. When this happens, we have no more options left.

It has always really hard for me to ask help. I've always tried to manage everything myself and stay strong. But everything has come to the point where I can't do it on my own. I've tried. Everything I could thik of, I have tried...

My wish is to be able to pay the bank back the rest of the loan and to have ourselves our own little home. I can not raise any finances for rainy days, as all of my income goes for everyday living and bills. We have no luxuries, I can't go anywhere with children, like we used to... Just blunt survival mode. My oldest daughter, still in university (state scholarship), took a job by the side to help.
But what parent can stay calm and cool when their children have given up asking for a simple things, knowing I can't afford them that?! It breaks my heart every time...

I can't even...

if you have any questions, I'll gladly answer them...

Bless you!

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