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Christmas is a time of dread.
It is for me, anyway. For the last six years, Christmas has
been the one time of year, guaranteed that I don't have income. It
started off being a temporary thing, my employer at the time shut down
for Christmas break, but didn't pay holiday pay for the entire week,
just Christmas Day and the day after. I'd resume my job the next week
and resume receiving full-time pay, so it was a briefly unpleasant but
manageable situation. This was the case for the first three
Christmases of this stretch.
After that, I found a contract position for another company. In
many ways that company treated me well, even as a contractor. The
nature of contract work meant that I was only paid for the days that I
worked, but instead of an unpaid week off it was only two days that I
wasn't being paid for. Again, this was manageable. My contract with
that job ended the following summer and I moved on.
Since then, I've worked three different temp jobs at the
University. Each job always ending with the end of a semester which
means for the past two winter breaks I have been unemployed. The last
time I was unemployed for a month and that looks like it will be the
case again this time around.
I don't judge those who are in a similar situation as myself
but still manage to buy presents for their loved ones. I get it.
Struggling and successfully paying your bills doesn't bring the same
amount of joy that giving to others does. I don't think that it's
irresponsible, but commendable. Joy can be fleeting, but struggles are
in abundance.
I really don't know how I will pay my bills this next month and
even my laptop is on the verge of complete failure.
Don't think that I'm not grateful. I am in good health, I have
wonderful friends and family and I currently have a warm bed to crawl
into every night. I get to enjoy great music and share music as well
with people that I care about. I love all of those things.
I just have to admit to myself that I can't get by without a
working laptop, and I have no means of affording one on my own.
Between online job applications and the few occasions when I am hired
to work as a photographer, I need a functional computer that will
allow me to get online and edit photos in large batches. I own the
software already.
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