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My name is Simon, and I have a dream. A dream of making a difference. A dream of touching peoples hearts with my music. A dream to some day, through my experiences and success, help others make a difference too. Here's why:
I was born in April, 1989, happy and healthy. Big blue eyes, and a big heart. At first things were good. But after my sister was born, things took a turn for the worse. My mother developed postnatal depression that turned into bipolar disorder. She went in and out of the psychiatric ward, until she committed suicide when I was 4. My father could not cope with it, so I ended up in an orphanage. I was heartbroken. All I ever wanted was to make others happy. To remind them of the beauty in the world. But it wasn't enough. I felt like I wasn't enough.
As I grew up, I discovered that the "real" world was no different. My big heart started to shrink. My hopes and dreams for this life withered. I lost my belief in the power of love. I lost my belief in me. By the time I hit 19, I developed severe depression that later turned into anxiety. My dad and stepmom left me to myself. My friends slowly drifted out of my life. I felt abandoned. The pain was unbearable. I couldn't cope with this life I had been given. I had no money, no food and I was all alone. I hated the world for not caring and I hated myself for not being able to fix it. I felt powerless and hopeless. I spiraled into a dark hole of suicidal thought, sleepless nights and uncontrollable anger. But one day, at the very bottom of my personal hell, something happened. I can't explain how it happened, but a feeling started to grow in me. A feeling that would shape my life for years to come.
There must be more to life than this!
I felt like I deserved better. I felt like we all deserve better. I felt like we all have more to offer than what life had given us. I just couldn't accept that this was life. There had to be more. I wasn't sure about what to do with this feeling. All I knew is I had to find out.
So I set out on a quest. A quest that involved a 4-month trip to the US with no money and no security. A quest that had me kicking and screaming. A quest that had me on my knees, begging and praying for God to make things right. A quest for something pure, something real. To rediscover what it means to be human, what it is that connects us. On this quest, I met many people, and they showed me that what I thought was my biggest weakness is really my greatest strength. That's when I found a new purpose. Through learning from my experiences and embracing my pain and thereby the pain of others, I could be what no one had been for me. Through studying meditation, mindfullness and explori.g my inherent capability for philosophy, I found that life is what you make it.
"Be the change you want to see in the world"
- Gandhi
This realization changed my life. Suddenly, so many things became possible. I could be more than a product, I could be the producer! I started working on my dreams and hopes, burning with motivation. I was sure that with good will and an open heart, I would succeed. But I haven't. And I'm starting to lose faith again.
"A flower cannot grow in poor soil, or without water or sunlight. A flower is dependent on its environment to thrive. Like the flower, so are we dependent on our environment to thrive".
I have tried to realize my dreams here in this small town I live in, but with no success. I worked 3 months to save up 400 Euro to start a band with my former best friend. I have tried to help local singers by producing music for them. I have given it my all, but to no success. Nothing has worked out. People here shun me for my honesty and vulnerability. All that I am and believe in, is under attack.
I live in a tiny 1-room apartment with my girlfriend. We constantly have to think about if we have enough to eat and live. I cannot travel to see my family. I can't even afford a phone. I can't afford to give anyone anything, emotionally nor financially, and it hurts me. The bank won't help me start my studio because I am indebted. I am stuck. I have good friends who wish me the best and support me, but they cannot help me financially. I'm reaching a point where my values and hopes are threatened, so I'm calling out for help:
Help me to realize my dreams. Help me get off the shore, so I can turn this ship around. With your help, through the music, I can make my dreams a reality. With your help I can realize my dreams to teach and create music and help passionate artists develop their talent. With your help, I can pay for school and meet other musicians/music producers that are passionate about what they do. With your help, I can move forward with my life and someday realize my dream of creating beautiful music with other passionate musicians and help upcoming artists realize their talent. Your help will be a stepping stone to all my hopes and dreams. Your help will revive my faith in the good in all of us.
I dream of going to Berlin and study Music Production at DBs Music School. From there I can build a network, meet other artists and create a foundation for my life so I can make a difference. All the money I receive here will go towards buying gear and music software, travel expenses, buying a phone and starting up my Production Company. When I have my own place, I can earn money teaching guitar and finally start creating music at a steady level and hopefully make a life from it. Then I can apply for a Scholarship, and finally go to Berlin.
One of my ultimate goals (among many others) is to create a Fund to fund and help anyone who needs help realizing their dreams. I believe we all deserve to be happy, and to be able to live life according to our own truth. And it should never depend on where we come from or how much money we have. I have forgiven my father and my family. I know they were prisoners of a bad situation. And so many people with great potential and dreams are stuck in a bad situation. Help me change my future, and the future of many others.
This is more than asking for a handout. This is me being on my knees, humbly asking you all to let me feel gratitude again.
I will be FOREVER grateful for your help!
Sincerest,
Simon - Poet, Producer, Humanist, Philosopher and Friend.
_____________________________________________________
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Producer Page: https://www.facebook.com/JohnnyDop3/?fref=ts
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Poetry: https://www.facebook.com/groups/172508366441949/?fref=ts
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My personal Facebook Profile: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=519983847
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