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On January 6, 2023, our father Joe Henry Cooper passed away. While I wasn't there but my brother told me that he was transported to the hospital from the rehabilitation center because his blood pressure dropped, and when he got to the hospital his heart stopped. They revived him momentarily but his heart stopped again and he passed away. Although he was our father we called him doll, everyone called him by that name , but to me he was still my dad. Our father was the most free hearted, kindest person you will ever know. He loved his children and family very much. He would even give me his food if I didn't have enough money to pay for my own food, even though he was hungry. To me , I thought my parents would always be alive, even when my father's health would decline, I always felt that he would always be there. Over the many years my father would go in and out of the hospital, for the most part me and my brother would be there. For many years, me and my brother would be by my father's side, up until the past year where it took a toll on me which I found a hard time taking care of my life, working, and taking care of my father, it was overwhelming. When I came to see my dad, when we talked, I never left out for him to eat right, cut down on the sodium, exercise, and cut down in smoking cigarettes, I really felt that would help him health wise, and I thought that it would be ok if I stepped back for awhile to focus on my life. And then I decided to focus more on prospering in my life, thinking on what I talked to him throughout the years, he would be ok. But I never knew how serious and bad he was feeling and how bad it really was. Before his passing, I barely seen or talked to our dad in three months. I was so focused on fixing things in my life, and to get my new place where I would bring my dad with me, where unintentionally I left him behind by not seeing him. I see that was a mistake, because now he is gone. That, is the biggest mistake and I will always regret it for the rest of my life, and I have to live with that, and to be honest I think about that everyday many times a day, not being there for him the last few months, but I really didn't know his health was that bad. But I know that is the burden I have to bear. I just felt that when my mother called me and told me he was in the rehabilitation center, he would come out eventually and be ok like he always did. But this time it wasn't. After when he died when I saw our dad the following Tuesday at the funeral home, I just broke down. When I saw him that evening, I wished he would open his eyes, smile at me and say, "hey, how you doing", you see that's what our father would always say to everyone to greet them along with a slight chuckle. When I was younger I always wondered why he would do that, but now I know. Throughout all the bad things he was going through in his life, he was so happy to see the people he truly cared for and loved,the positive people in his life, I see that now because I do the same thing.
Thinking if I had been there the last few months I would had made a difference, just being there for him, making sure he ate right, exercising, talking to him. I really felt that he would still be here today if I was there for him. I am a very spiritual, religious person who firmly believes in god, I used to pray everyday, many times a day. But when he passed I realized that even though I pray for my friends and family, I mainly prayed for him. After he passed, I stopped praying for awhile, but now I am back to praying, but now I know the main reason why I prayed so much when he was alive. When I started back to praying a couple weeks after he died, even though I'm supposed to do this despite his passing, but still I prayed to God telling him I will totally walk the righteous path if I could see him again, exactly as he was, to hug him and tell him I'm sorry for not being there the last few months, for not calling him, which for that it's no excuse because I should at least called him. In those last few months, I would tell myself that I'm going to call him, but I just put it off , procrastinated and said to myself that I would call him the next day, which I didn't. Along with that, I was so caught up on taking care of things in my life and myself. And it was nothing he did for me to do that, it just was that based what the things I told him to take care of himself he would be ok if I stepped back for awhile. And I would ask if he forgives me because I know that I made a grave mistake.
This being my first time on a website like this , if this is giving too much information, I don't care because our father is gone, and if I was there the last few months, I felt I could help make a difference. I loved him very much , I will always love him, but I should have seen him, I should have been there, and I hope he forgives me.
Me and my brother decided to do funeral arrangements, but to be honest, we don't have enough funds to bury our dad. And this is our first time handling funeral arrangements first hand, and it can be a little tough. Grieving over our father's passing, while at the same time going to work to try get enough to funds for funeral arrangements, taking care of our other errands and paying our other bills, it's not easy. Personally, I'm not handling it well, I really loved and cared for our dad. For two weeks,I was numb, constantly thinking about him, while knowing in the back of my mind I have to keep going, get up in the morning, I have an important task to do, I can't just stay at home and just let this terrible time get the best of me. We have to be there for him by giving him the proper burial, but man, it's tough just getting up in the morning. I am a person that for the most part stays to myself, I have a close knit of friends that I do have, but I know with their family they are taking care of, they don't have the money to help me. I never thought I would be on a website like this, I am very prideful, and I really don't be on social media much, but I had to muster up the strength, swallow my pride, and ask for help. I just don't have the money, which is a little embarrassing, but with me being my father's oldest son, I along with my brother have stepped up, and explore all avenues. Me and my brother wants to bury him without doing cremation, which costs more. We both agree that my father would not want to be cremated, and we don't want that as well. We are going to bury him where he was born, in North Carolina, where his mother and brothers are buried as well. We would like to bury him next to his mother, but if we don't have enough we will try to bury him next to his brother because the gravesite where our grandmother Is buried is more expensive. Right now, he is still In a funeral home in PG county. I am asking please, we need help.
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